Was a Long And Dark December

[``lily marie evans]

Lily always had a love hate relationship with winter. She loved snow, adored it actually. There was something so serene about it It was always clean, crisp and beautiful. It covered everything it touched in a perfect blanket. It the flaws the buildins and the world. But there was always that point where the novelty of winter wore off. The first few weeks were always brilliant, especially if the brutual cold hadn't hit yet. There was skating, and snow ball fights, and all those things you could do when it was the middle of july.

But after the first few weeks, the constant cold got rather annoying and she started craving spring. It was a cycle that seem to happen every year. Initial excitement for the first snow fall, followed a few weeks later by desperately wishing that the snow would melt.

It was still too early into the season for the girl to be sick of it yet. Christmas hadn't even hit yet. Snow was something she was still happy about, the cold was something she could live without. IT was almost too cold out side. Definetly below 0, far too cold to be out wandering the streets of Hogsmeade. That meant it was a perfect time to enjoy the other perks of winter. Warm open fires, and the soothing warmth of butterbeer.

A faint bellechoed in the The Three Broomsticks as Lily gently pushed open the door to the tavern. Gloved hands pulled off a white knit touque, shaking the snow off gently. She slid off of her cloves , unbuttoning the buttons of her black pea coat. Emerald eyes wandered outside the large glass window as she sat down at an empty booth. Yes, it was definetly the perfect weather outside for a butterbeer.

[``sirius orion black]

Sirius adored winter. It was his favorite time of year. He didn't really know why. He had never understood the reason he was in love with the cruelty of this particular time, but it had always brought him a kind of calmness. He supposed that some of it had to do with his family. He had never had trouble with them during the colder months, even though they were all inside at the same time. He found it ironic that the times they spent together, nearly incessantly, were the times that he abhorred them less. It was odd, he knew, but he couldn't really describe his feelings towards his family. It was rather impossible to do that considering the fact that he was unsure of most things at the moment. He was in a headlock with Kacie, desperate to love her forevermore. He was afraid of what could happen to her, however. He was angry at James for leaving him for Lily. His silver pools flashed in anger at such thoughts. The fiery redhead no doubt took pride in the fact that she had stolen his best mate away, causing a rift in their friendship that may or may not be reparable.

Huffing, he pulled his black coat tighter around his body as he made his way through the streets of Hogsmeade. He need to relax somewhere, to get his mind off of his anxieties. Although he enjoyed being outside in the blistering cold because of this fact, he knew his body wouldn't be able to handle much more of this chill. Looking upwards, he smiled slightly, enjoying the feeling of snowflakes falling softly upon the black hair on his head. Sticking out his tongue, he caught some of them and then chuckled joyfully. He just couldn't get enough of this happy season. He just didn't understand how anyone could hate something this beautiful. The way the snow fell across the quaint city was nearly breathtaking, its blanket covering the buildings and shops with elegance and power.

Hurrying into the Three Broomsticks, he shivered as the warmth billowed all around him, Shrugging off his coat and scarf, he threw them onto a nearby rack before rubbing his arms. His black, long-sleeved shirt was tight and fitting, with a v-shaped neck to reveal a slight amount of muscles just around his neck and his upper chest. He was wearing black skinny jeans, pants that revealed the rather large muscles on his legs that he had received from many days practicing Qudditch. Sliding off his black leather gloves, he stuffed them into his coat pocket and then walked up to the counter. Ordering himself a butterbeer, he took it, paid and then looked around for an empty table. What he saw made him want to dart out of the restaurant and curse at the same time. Why was she here? Why did he have to look at her? Attempting to calm himself, he realized that he would have to get over himself. Maybe if he got to know her---Hell, she was a know-it-all brown noser eager to wrap James around her delicate porcelain fingers. Sirius glared at her before stalking over to the booth where she sat. For a moment, he didn't know what to say. Finally, he decided on something, although it was rather harsh.

Through gritted teeth, he hissed, "Where's James? The damned git can't stay away from you for too long or he'll just die."

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[``lily marie evans]

To put it simply, Sirius Black was not the first person Lily Evans wanted to see right now. She just wanted to relax and warm up, not deal with a hot headed prat who thought she was trying to steal his best friend.

The last few weeks had been annoying to put it simply. She hadn't given up trying to talk to Sirius after their last encounter. She assumed he'd come to her when he wanted to talk. Maybe someday he'd like to discuss things like a human being. But that day hadn't exactly come yet, so she had suffered through countless awkward moments and nasty glares. She was getting awfully sick of it, but then there was of course the 'James' Factor.

This whole situation was horrible for him. Lily didn't want him to choose, that was the last thing she wanted him to do. But everything was complicated. Sirius was still livid, and Lily would have liked to resolve things, but they were both too hot headed. Not like Lily would admit to that though. But Sirius' and Lily's distance wasn't easy on James. It was like a tug of war. Sirius didn't seem to like the girl at all, and Lily frankly didn't want to be around him because she was tired of him acting like a child. It was a shame in way, she really didn't dislike Sirius. He had grown on her a bit, definetly a ot since first year at least, but she was tired of dealing with this whole situation.

A faint sigh escaped her lips, as she rolled her eyes at his statement. Polite and pleasant as always. "Well hello Sirius, It's lovely to see you too." she muttered sarcastically, a slight grin on her lips. Alright, so maybe the sarcasim wasn't necessary but the boy was a complete prat. He was rude and senseless. There was no use for her putting up with it. At least she had tried to act somewhat civil the last few weeks. "And I don't know. I haven't seen him all day, I assumed he was with you."

Her mind played out a few different scenarios. She could go with her current strategy and let him come to her to talk things through. But that hadn't worked so well the last few weeks. And truthfully, she wasn't fond of waiting any longer. If he wanted to come over oh so cheerfully, he could put up with her trying to repair the damage that was left. "So can we actually talk about things? Or would you rather go on forever hating me, hoping that I dump James so you can proove that I truly am the villain you think I am? "

[``sirius orion black]

Sirius could tell that she was less than pleased to see him. It was written all over her face. Well, if she was going to get involved with his best friend, then she was going to have to learn how to deal with his mood swings. He had been trying to tell himself that he would be ready to talk to her eventually, but he really didn't have anything but biting words to speak to her. He found her irritating and utterly annoying so why would he want to befriend the likes of her? He already had Remus to help him with work and the like so he didn't need Lily for anything. James was being a right prick to pick her over him. He had been spending more time with the redhead because frankly, Sirius had made it quite clear that he didn't want anything to do with either of them. But, the bloke wasn't even trying! He just seemed defeated. It was pathetic and Sirius was pissed off about it, to say the least. James should not pick Lily over family. It was rude and selfish of him.

The raven-haired Wizard knew that the young woman in front of him was as selfish as he. She wanted James all to herself, he could see it whenever they were around each other. He also realized that the two of them were as stubborn as they go, so an agreement or compromise was not likely to be reached for quite some time. He was going to make it Hell for her. If she had the strength to manage him, then maybe he would give her a chance. He threw another glare at her when she sighed, his heart beating furiously in his chest. Snorting derisively, he hissed, "Always a pleasure, Evans." Her sarcasm only brought on his own biting words, which he didn't mind. He would rather be cruel than civil. Huffing as if she had just stabbed him in the stomach, Sirius chuckled darkly. With venomous words that could have matched the way Bellatrix spoke, he whispered, "What makes you think I want that git around me? He smells like you all the time. I'd rather not have a headache from your stench."

Sirius was struck silent by her next words. For a long moment, he didn't say anything. He stared at her through silver slits, wanting to slap her for even suggesting such a thing. But, deep down, he knew that he would have to get over this for James. If he didn't do it for anyone else, it would be for James. He knew the damned bloke was smitten with the girl, but he didn't like how everything he did nowadays was all about her. He needed to save some time for his friends or things were going to get ugly. Sighing at her bluntness, he practically fell into the seat across from her, his silver eyes gazing out of the window. He didn't want to look at her. It was as if he were giving her permission to say what she needed to say so that he could give her a piece of his mind for taking his James away from him. Icily, he muttered, "Well? What did you have in mind to talk about, Evans? I don't have all day to waste." He did have all the time in the world, but he was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. He hoped she would get on with it.

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[``lily marie evans]

Well, she had been sitting with him for less than two minutes and he already succeeded at completely annoying her. This was ridiculous, she shouldn't have to put up with this. Sirius was acting like a spoiled git. He was so bloody stubborn it drove her mad. Then again she really shouldn't have been one to criticise someone for being stubborn, considering how thick headed her own head was. The worst part of it all was, she needed to find a way to deal with him. The fact of the matter was, she liked James. Cared about him alot, whether or not Sirius would ever see that. And as much as she hated Sirius right now, he knew James better than she did. The two were like the same person at times. If she wanted anything with James, it was clear Sirius was going to be in the picture. Getting along with SIrius was the complicated part.

She already believed she had put up with enough, but the boy still had an ability to poke at every nerve in her body. Surprisingly enough, she'd managed pretty well up until this point. Most of the time she ignored, if she couldn't ignore him she fired back with sarcasim. It may not have been the maturist approach, but it was slightly satisfying.

She blatanty ignored his first comment. Although she had the urge to bring up the fact Sirius constantly smelt like wet dog, but this didn't seem like the time or the place for that. And judging by the fact he took the time out of his day to sit in that booth to begin with, she was certain he had too much time on his hands. He had to be bored. Why else would he waste his precious time on her? Afterall, he could be doing something really productive like harassing half of slytherin. "You and I actually. Well James too if we want to get specific." she said bluntly, emerald eyes glaring at him. "You can pretend you don't care all you want. That you're forever pissed at him because he hasn't broken up with me yet. But this, this constant bickering between you and I, it's hurting him more than it's affecting anyone else. I particulary don't care if you hate me. And maybe you don't see it, but whenever he's around me, I can't help but wonder if he feels guilty he's not with you."

[``sirius orion black]

This was not going well. Sirius wasn't surprised, but he thought maybe it would have been slightly less awkward when he thought about this dreadful talk in his mind. She didn't understand his feelings towards James. He was the only true brother he had gained when he left his home, the only one he could turn to. His family was so sweet and open to him, allowing him to stay for as long as he wished, eventually claiming him as their own son. Lily couldn't possibly understand their bond. He vaguely remembered her mentioning a sister at some point, but that she wasn't close to her. How could she comprehend the bond he shared with James, then? She could have no idea what their relationship was doing to him. But, as he'd been realizing with each passing day, James was not going to change his mind about Lily. The git had been in love with her when he laid eyes on her so there was no going back. Sirius knew that he was going to have to attempt at being civil. He just didn't want it to be Lily, Lily, Lily. He wouldn't be able to stand such madness. Hell, Sirius knew she was beautiful and smart, but he had never been particularly interested in her. James had claimed her early which made Sirius cut off any growing affection that could lead to a problem.

Sirius took pride in the fact of her facial expression reeking of irritation, for she must know that ever since this relationship began, James had been seeing her a lot more often than he. It was saddening, but Sirius knew he wasn't being the best mate in the world. But, James hadn't even talked to him about it! It was infuriating! He had to be around Remus and Peter more often now, which was fine and dandy, but he missed his brother. Remus was the next best thing, but he just didn't find much enjoyment out of things without James around. The raven-haired boy thought it amusing that she was attempting to control her temper, but that climax of losing it was the exact moment someone said something that they had been trying to stifle, a truth that should have been spoken a long time before, He wanted her to do that, but he doubted if he would be able to prod her enough. It was always fun to try.

Although he truly did have all the time in the world, Sirius felt an urge to get to know her. He didn't like this feeling at all, but he knew that he should because he needed to do it for James. If not for anything but him, then he would do it all. His silver eyes flashed to hers when she began to speak. His body stiffened in anticipation and he waited for her to continue, silver melting into emerald quite relentlessly. There was a similarity to her eyes that Kacie's held, but in his love's eyes, there was a kind of light that he could not place in Lily. He probably was just not willing to see the goodness in her at the moment. He matched her glare when he noticed the harshness to her gaze. He clenched his jaw and his heart made a painful lurch to his stomach. It's hurting him more than it's affecting anyone else. Sirius sniffed, looking down at his fingers, the pain in his chest increasing as he realized that she was right. He knew his friend was torn, but he was still upset that the git hadn't made an effort to make things right, as if choosing Lily had caused him to be less of a man. His silver pools darted back up to hers at her last statement. For a moment, he smiled jovially and then guffawed. She had made it sound like he and James were a couple of sorts and he found it extremely amusing. Clearing his throat, he calmed down, thinking Lily to probably be confused. Softly, he muttered, "Would you really like to know why I am so upset, or do you already realize the reason?" It was a jab to her nosiness and intelligence, so he waited for a reaction. A devilish smirk curved the corners of his lips as he stared at her, wondering what she thought. He knew he wouldn't have to wait long for her to reveal her brain to him because she had always been quite blunt, something Sirius had always liked about her.

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[``lily marie evans]

Up until this point, this conversation wasn't nearly as dreadful as she was expecting. It was slightly awkward, and maybe a little too sarcastic, but the fact of the matter was it could have gone much worse.

In her own mind, she was still trying to decifer her own feelings towards Sirius Black. For too long, she thought he was nothing more than an arrogant prick, who was too self righteous for his own good. It was clear now that that view was a bit too biased. The boy was definetly more complex than she let herself believe in the early years of their education. She could see why the girls in that school swooned to him. Looking at him now, the boys features were practically perfect. His face, that smile, it spelt out heart break.

Sirius was more than an ego and a pretty face, but deciphering her own feeligns was a bit complicated. Once you got to the bottom about it, she was certain he was a good person, a loyal friend, why else would James be so close to him if her wasn;t. But it was hard to see positive qualities in a man who had been nothing more than a complete prick towards her the last few weeks. The only thing that was certain in her mind, was that there was more to Sirius Black than she knew. And if things were going to work out between her and James, he was definetly a person she'd need to get to know. He wasn't going to disappear.

She gave a simple shrug, running a hand through red locks. In all honesty, she was beginning to lose site of why he was still mad. Sure, she could easily pin point back to the point where this all started, that wasn't hard. But if that was the root cause of his anger, he was dragging this on far too long. Remus was over it. Sirius should have by now too. So maybe it wasn't fully the Remus thing. Maybe he didn't like the concept of her with James, maybe he just didn't like her to begin with. That wouldn't have been too surprising. For years they were never exactly 'friends'. But at least for most of that time they were relatively civil, so any genuine dislike for her couldn't have been the root cause of these feelings. "No Sirius, I'd much rather forever bicker with you without cause." she muttered a clear and obvious tone of sarcasim in her voice as her emerald eyes looked into his. Her eyes were actually a rather interesting shade. Grey wasn't a very common hue, there was almost something chilling about them. "Of course I want to know. I thought I knew, but I think this has gone on too long for what I thought you were mad about to be the real reason. Frankly, I'm just sick of this. I want to be civil. I'm tired of death glares from you when ever I walk into a room. So humour me, what is it that's upsetting you so much that you think allows you to get off being such a complete git?" Hmmm... maybe a simple 'yes' would have sufficed.

[``sirius orion black]

Sirius had never had the displeasure of behaving in such an awkward manner with the female species. He could usually find something to say to them, even if it was completely off topic or something of the sort. But, Lily Evans made him feel as if he were at a loss for words. He didn't know what to say to her because he knew that a part of him wanted to shut her out completely while another part of him just simply wanted to tell her the required bits of information about himself for his best mate's sake. Sirius was used to girls fainting into him because of his charm and way with words, but this redhead seemed to be impervious to everything he said. He found it irritating, as if she had power over him. Sirius didn't like for the woman to be in control. It made him feel less manly.

Gazing at Lily with a sudden softness, he realized that she was a sweet girl if one was lucky enough to befriend her. But, he had never had the ability of conversing easily with her, especially because of her hatred of everything the Marauders did. He had always found that bothersome about her, but he figured it was about time that the four of them started to grow up. Yet, once he began to believe that, the War outside these walls would become too real for him. He didn't know if he could handle that. Focusing back on the redhead, Sirius raised an eyebrow. He wanted to laugh for they were simply looking at each other for the time being. He found it amusing and allowed a smirk of humor flicker across his handsome face. This could be fun.

When her hand moved through her hair, Sirius mirrored it by ruffling up his own locks, the black waves sticking out at odd angles. He didn't think he could pull it off as well as James, but he did try. He could see the confusion set into her emerald eyes and he knew that she was having difficulty in understanding why he was so upset. It wasn't shocking that she didn't understand. Few truly did. He guffawed at her sarcasm but with a glint of mischief in his eyes, he muttered, "You know that I wouldn't hesitate to continue these joyful conversation, Evas, if that is what you desire." He knew her to be sarcastic, but he liked messing with her. He looked out of the window as she spoke, taking in her words as his silver puddles zoomed along the blanket of snow that traipsed across Hogsmeade with peaceful grace. Turning back to meet her eyes, he stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. He figured that his answer would be considered childish in her mind, but he didn't care. Softly, he declared, "He's the only brother I have left." Sure he had Remus and Peter, but the bond between he and James was so great that he couldn't imagine life without his mate just to talk about girls and what not. Lately, though, he had begun to act like the damned Werewolf. It made Sirius feel pressured into leaving his childhood humor behind, but it was the only thing that continued to make him happy. If he could make but one other person smile, then he would have lived for something. Lily should understand this, even though he hadn't said very much. He was just too afraid to lose his James.

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[``lily marie evans]

The girl grew silent as she stared into his silver optics. That moment seemed almost strange, and very unlike their past encounters. It was nothing but quick remarks, there was rarely ever silence, rarely ever moments of understanding.

As he spoke, she understood too well. She knew very well what it was like to lose those you cared about. To have those you grew up with to look at you with disgust. No matter how much you pretended it didn't matter, it hurt. Lily had too relationships completely ruined. One a sibling, one a best friend. Neither relationship could be saved. Petunia's dislike for Lily spawned out of Petunia's own jealousy. And Severus... that was just complicated. They grew apart and became very different people.

But regardless of how close she was with Petunia or Severus, that was nothing compared to Sirius and James' friendship. Actually, sometimes she was a little envious of it. A friendship like that was rare. Sure she had close friends, but no one who understood her as easily as the two boys understood each other. The two were closer than blood, and no matter how close she got with James, Sirius would never lose his brother.

"This whole time that's what you've really been worried about?" she asked softly, her eyes still locked in his. Nothing about Remus, honestly she was a bit surprised. "You're not going to lose James. With you and Regulas- " she cut herself off quickly. Maybe it was better if she didn't get into his family issues. "I mean, it's just... I know what it's like when your own sibling treats you like- nevermind" she cut herself off again, her eyes looking down at the table. No, she wasn't getting into her own family issues either. Lily and Sirius had barely had a civil conversation, there was no need for her to explain her own life to him just yet.

She grew quiet for a moment, before her eyes finally met his again. "You're the only brother he's ever had. You two are closer than blood. He'd cut me out of the picture before he'd cut you out."

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