Tell Me When You're Going to Let Me In (Remus)

[``helena evelyn berkeley]

Helena sighed as she stepped down the stairs and into the clear, but cool night of the November air. The wind cut at her like ice, but she didn't mind it. She had been numb for a long time, so this sweet bitterness would be nothing to her but a slight breeze. After all, what was pain but a reason for growth? But, she doubted she would ever grow to be anything but a coward. She had done nothing in her life that would suggest otherwise and she knew she never could. Her parents' expectations were holding her back, keeping her from her dreams and desires. She would never be able to do what she wanted, never live the way she so longed for. And, she would never find a man to love her. Not like the way James loved Lily. She grew increasingly jealous of that couple, knowing that they would have a love that would never fade. But, how many people experienced that kind of affection for another person? It seemed extremely impossible, especially for someone like her.

A monster . . . She sighed loudly, tears springing to her eyes at the thought. But, she shook them off as being a reaction to the blistering wind that raced around her hair. She wrapped her cloak tighter around herself, taking steps further towards the Forbidden Forest. She rather liked coming out here at night. Although she had no courage of anything, she rater preferred to face her fears in such a way. It may have been foolish, but she liked to see the other creatures that were out here all of the time. But, she was not ill-prepared. She had brought her . . . Uh-oh. She felt around in her pocket and then realized that she had left her wand in her dormitory. As she turned around to go and retrieve it, blackness enveloped her eyes. She could see nothing around her and fear encroached upon her insides. Why did everything completely disappear from her sight? Had she gone too far in so quickly?

She tried to scream but found that she couldn't. Everything was mocking her, prodding at her with wicked laughter and crazy sounds. She stumbled through the darkness in her frenzy, tripping many times. She found that her leg was in a lot of pain and upon reaching down, she felt a sticky substance encompass her fingertips. Great, just great. How the hell was she supposed to get out of this mess. She had tried turning around already but there appeared to be nothing. Finally, she gave up, falling to her knees in defeat. If this was some kind of sick joke, she was going to . . . What, Helena? What are you going to do? You can't do anything except cower in front of everything you face. You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a daughter! Tears sprang to her eyes and she covered her ears, her silent screams making no sound amidst the darkness.

"Help me, please . . ."

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[``remus john lupin]

SOMEBODY TAME THIS


ANIMAL I HAVE BECOME

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Off on his own adventure again, so it seemed. Though it wasn’t entirely uncommon for Remus to wander off sometimes. Sure, he loved his other friends to death but at times he just needed to get away. And it was usually when Sirius and James were in their suffocating ‘lets do everything together’ moods. Remus had managed to slip off while the two were making some sort of plot for a new prank against Serverus by saying he had left something down in the Great Hall. Luckily the other pranksters had decided not to accompany their friend, and so now he was home free. They’d notice, of course, but he didn’t think they would go searching for him.

Making his way down the stairs, Remus slowly began making his way across the grounds and towards the Forbidden Forest. A place that he knew he shouldn’t roam around in, especially during the night, but he felt comfortable there. Almost as comfortable as his own bed felt. It was a place he had roamed plenty of times in the past years of being at Hogwarts. There wasn’t anywhere else he could roam around without being spotted by students here around the school. By now he more or less knew the forest like the back of his hand, and knew a lot of what hid behind the endless rows of trees. He enjoyed being in the forest. It was a place with fond memories despite some not so favorable conditions. A flash of movement caught his attention off to the right of where he stood. Had someone just gone into the forest? Remus checked his robes once more, making sure that his wand was there, before he stepped into the outskirts of the forest.

A quick look above and Remus could see the moon shining above, though it was shadowed and dimmed. The full moon had passed a few days ago. His body was still rather weak as it was still recovering, which led him to feel rather tired. Despite this, his curiosity was getting the better of him. Who in their right mind would go off into the forest? Well, he knew that some would. It was a daring adventure, that most students went on before they graduated. Most would simply take a step or two and then decide that was enough for them and they would race back to the school. Whoever he was following wasn’t one of those people though. And they were walking in the complete dark. They were asking for trouble that’s for sure.

When Remus finally managed to catch up to the person, or rather almost trip right over them, he brought out his wand and muttered ‘lumos’. Holding up his wand, the blond found the young woman on her knees hunched in a ball and crying. Tilting his head, he turned his attention to the surrounding forest. The crunch of leaves and cracking of twigs filled the otherwise silent forest as creatures scurried away. This girl was foolish, and had a rather large abundance of luck. Remus turned his head once more, the light shining off a pair of glimmering eyes off to his left. After narrowing his eyes at the creature, they blinked once and then whatever it was shuffled off.

Finally he turned his attention back to the girl he now stood beside. Lowering a hand to her, Remus pushed all of his annoyance aside and decided that her welfare was more important at the moment. ”Are you okay?” He asked, a worried expression casting over his features as he awaited the girl to accept his help up. It seemed she had injured herself, but he couldn’t really see the severity of the wound with her hunched in a little ball like she was. ”What are you doing out here? And alone, too?”

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[``helena evelyn berkeley]

Suddenly, a greenish glow flew in Helena's eyes. She cowered immediately, her heart plummeting wildly in her chest. When she finally looked up, she squinted, making out a form in the darkness. Moving the wand away from her face slightly, she recognized Remus Lupin, a Seventh Year Gryffindor. She blinked rapidly when he spoke to her and gently placed her hand in his own, allowing him to help her up as she nodded slowly. Then, pain seared through her leg and she stumbled into him, holding onto him much tighter than she needed to, probably. She looked up at him, alarmed before backing away and then falling backwards again. Landing on the forest floor with a small cry, she sighed loudly and just lay there. Her leg didn't hurt as bad when she didn't stand on it. Idly, she grinned at how foolish and crazy she must have looked to the Gryffindor. She wouldn't blame him if he ran away in fear or something. But, it just hurt too bad to stand up. She smiled at his worried expression and then finally said, in her velvety voice, "Yes, I am quite alright. Thank you for your concern." Then, she suddenly blushed. He was a prefect! He could get her into trouble, especially since she was a Slytherin and he was a Gryffindor. But, for some reason, she thought Remus to be different from Sirius and James. She hoped for it, anyway.

Helena smiled up at him from the ground before she sighed again. Her hair had masses of leaves and grass in it, but she didn't feel like moving at the moment. She had lost feeling in her leg, even though the crimson liquid slid down it like a waterfall. When he had helped her up, she had even felt lightheaded. She wanted no part of that again. Smiling apologetically, she murmured, "I am sorry, but I cannot really stand right now. I think that I am losing too much blood. Would you happen to know of any healing spells?" She kept her tone light, conversational, as her emeralds swiveled up to meet his light blue eyes. She didn't answer his question on her being out here, for she knew that he was a prefect. She could make up some story about being chased by another Slytherin or something, but she knew she wasn't a very good liar. She always betrayed herself in one way or another. Sighing again, she muttered, "I was just taking a stroll. This is the first time I did not bring my wand with me. I can assure you that I am not foolish. I just had many other things on my mind." She gave him another half-hearted grin before sitting up, wincing in pain as she moved her leg in the slightest. Great. Just what she needed.

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[``remus john lupin]

Remus was caught off guard, to say the least. When he offered to help the girl up, he really hadn’t expected her to stumble into him like that. Those bright blue eyes blinked a few times in confusion, as a blush slowly crept up on his pale face. That was surely a first. Before he could grab onto her and help steady her, she freaked out and stumbled back onto the forest floor again. Well, this certainly was amusing to no end. A grin curled at his lips as he looked down at her and heard her reply, not believing a word of it. ”From what I just saw, I think you’re lying.”

Tilting his head, he peered down at her, still holding his wand up as she spoke. Well, at least she was going to accept the fact that she needed help. Which was something in and of itself, considering she was a Slytherin. Remus had seen her about the school, but he couldn’t ever recall speaking to her before. Granted, he didn’t make speaking to Slytherin’s the top priority on his list of things to do. When she asked if he knew any healing spells, he nodded and lowered himself down onto the ground, sitting beside her leg. Healing spells were a must with the condition he was stuck with for the rest of his life, he had learned that fast. Waving his wand, Remus muttered the words to a healing spell that would take care of the wound on her leg

When she finally addressed the last of his questions, he looked over at her and snorted. ”There are plenty of other places for you to wander around at night, places that won’t get you killed. Wand or not, you shouldn’t come through here. There’s a reason it’s Forbidden.” There he was again, scolding someone. Remus was always scolding, whether it was someone he knew or not. ”You’re lucky I saw you come in here. I doubt you would have lasted till someone noticed you were gone. That was foolish, whether you think it was or not.” Remus paused, thinking about it for a moment. Then he said, "Then again, I suppose you aren't so lucky. I could get you in a lot of trouble." Well, that was if he wanted to. Right now he wasn't particularly in the mood to do so. He figured the injury she had obtained was enough to teach her a lesson, perhaps.

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[``helena evelyn berkeley]

Helena read the surprise quite well on his handsome face and she moved her eyes away so as to get rid of the embarrassment she felt burrowing all across her features. She hated being around boys for this reason. She didn't feel like this with Severus or even Sirius, but she felt really awkward around Remus. But, she denied any feelings of affection that were trying to surface. She couldn't feel anything like that for someone as kind and good-natured as Remus Lupin. She was a monster, after all. What would he want of her when and if he ever found out what she was? Or, what if he figured out what she had done? She made the mistake of looking up into those bright blue eyes and her heart beat furiously beneath her chest, fluttering fearfully like a little sparrow's. When she read the amusement on his face, she closed her eyes in utter shame. This was so humiliating! Why did these things always happen to her? Sighing slightly at his comment, she simply muttered, "Well, I suppose you caught me then. I do not think I could convince you that I would much rather lie on the ground, especially when there are probably spiders nearby." Having not thought about it like that, she widened her eyes in fear and then growled at herself. She was being so bizarre!

When he simply nodded at her question of his knowing of a spell, she smiled. She should have realized. He was one of the smartest in their year, so she should have guessed that he would know Healing Spells. Merlin, he probably knew everything or close to it! Some part of her doubted he had many girl friends so that could be his greatest weakness. She had never seen him with anyone but Kacie, but it had been only once. He was around Lily sometimes, but Helena knew there was nothing romantic between them. She knew the Marauders well enough that they would never betray each other in such a way. She was jealous of that bond, for she had never had anything like that, except maybe her Grandmother. But, she could never speak her fears aloud to her mémé because of her dreadful mother. If one word was spoken out of line, Helena would be punished most horribly. She found it quite disconcerting that she had no confidantes. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness hit her like lightning in that moment as she realized her own insignificance in life at the moment. Her emerald eyes seemed to darken with sorrow ever so slightly. But, it wasn't as if that would be a change. She always looked quite disdainful, if she were going to be the one to judge herself. And, she was her worst critic after all. As his wand pointed at her leg, Helena watched him carefully, fear encroaching around her heart. She didn't know why she was afraid but it must have been something having to do with her mistrust of everyone and everything. So far, she had always been let down by those that she loved, so why even try anymore? When the pain disappeared, Helena flashed him a beautiful smile, the sorrow gone for a fraction of a second. "Thank you. Your kindness is highly appreciated, I can assure you." She hoped he was different from the rest. He seemed to be a gentle soul, much like herself in a way, but she was too afraid to try and find out more about him. Not unless he attempted to know her first, that was only if she didn't grow an excessive amount of courage in the time she spent with him.

Helena tilted her head to the side when he snorted, a spark of amusement flashing through her emerald eyes. She hadn't expected him to be so charming. Standing up slowly, she moved over to a rather well-lit area, the half-moon shining beautifully down upon the land. She liked to be able to see people when she spoke to them and she hoped he didn't think her rude for stepping a few feet away. When she turned back to him, she gave him that sparkling green, her pearly whites glistening in the moonlight. She smirked at his tone. "Is it alright then for Prefects to be out here? I was aware that all students were forbidden to come into the Forest." She kept that dainty grin on her face, her emeralds shining brightly. She liked Remus. He seemed sweeter than James and Sirius, even Severus. Maybe he could befriend her, but would she let him if it came to that? She doubted she'd be able to open herself up completely, but she supposed she could try. But, she couldn't tell him about the monster inside of her nor could she mention her loyalties. She was too afraid, too vulnerable to be betrayed if he were to disagree with her actions. Her eyes sparkled with mischievousness as he warned her. "I have learned quite well what it means to take care of myself, thank you." Her eyes hardened considerably for a moment. She didn't even know what it was like to have a friend, for Merlin's sake! All she did know was self-preservation. But, she supposed that getting mixed up with Voldemort was probably the worse end of that mindset. She sighed, having not meant to be so harsh. "I just had a lot on my mind. I promise you will not find me out here again." Pain rippled through her chest as she had tried so hard to dismiss the thoughts running through her mind. Her grandmother . . . her only friend . . . dead and gone forever. Her emeralds zipped up towards the moon so he couldn't see them and she turned her body away from him, fighting the shakes rupturing through her veins. She was going to continue coming out here for as long as she pleased, but he would not find her again. She was going to use every precaution next time.

Part of her doubted that anyone would have noticed she was missing, but she didn't mention that. She didn't want to bombard Remus with her negativity, even though it was her personality through and through. She knew it was foolish to come out here alone, but she also knew he was being a hypocrite, even though she had a wand. She turned back to face him, eying him with her rather cold emeralds. Why was she even trying to be polite? He obviously wanted to tell her all about his opinions and his authority. She clenched her jaw for a moment and then stared him down with a violent green gaze. She smirked beautifully, the amount of sorrow coming back full-time into her perfect features. "Oh really, Remus? And what will you tell the Professors when they ask you what you were doing so deep in the Forest?" Her eyes challenged him brutally but she couldn't keep the smile on her face. It was too much effort for her negative mind. Sadly, she let it fade away before she sighed quite softly and then waited for a reply, her emeralds turned down at the ends with despair. Nothing he did could make things worse for her. She had already lost everything she held dear.

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[``remus john lupin]

The amusement never left his features, the grin curling upward even more as the seconds passed. This was something that he probably shouldn’t have found so amusing, and yet he did. Not that it was uncommon for him to get amusement out of others misfortunes. That was all the Marauders stood for after all. With a quiet laugh, the blond looked down at the forest floor. ”Spiders should be the least of your worries right now.” He said, lifting his gaze back up to her. ”There are worst things out here than spiders.” Though that wasn’t to say that the spiders in the forest could not do any harm.

It didn’t take much at all for the wounds to heal over, especially with his level of knowledge and experience dealing with such spells. Not being a terrible helped it heal even faster, naturally. Remus had seen worse things, on himself and on others. Times like this made him grateful that he had a tough stomach and could tolerate blood and wounds. If he couldn’t, then his life would be twice as stressful as it already was. As if he really needed more to stress about. Remus nodded his head as she thanked him and flashed a smile towards her, ”It was nothing, really.” After all, he was just doing his job as a prefect. Well that and he was an extremely nice person.

Lifting his head, the young man watched as Helena got up and moved. Slowly his gaze lifted, following the trail of moonlight up to the source. The moon was never something he was fond of, especially a half-moon. It meant that either a full moon was on its way, or had just passed. His stomach churned as a sick feeling washed over him at the thought of the approaching full moon. The sound of Helena’s voice caused his thoughts to break away from what surely would have brought along a sour mood if they had lingered much longer. Returning his attention to her, a small laugh escaped as she pointed out the flaw in his scolding. ”No, technically it’s not. I should have gone back to the castle and gotten a professor when I saw you; at least that’s what I’ve been told I’m supposed to do.” But what he was told to do, and what he did, were two very different things. He was a Marauder after all, even if he was the quietest of them.

Remus took a small step to the side, leaning back and allowing his back to rest against the cold surface of a tree trunk. It felt nice in contrast to how warm he was. ”Sorry. I never meant to insult you and make it out as if you couldn’t take care of yourself.” Scolding was just something he did, far too often despite how little his advice was taken. It was a habit more than anything. But Remus knew what it was like to have others doubt your own capability of caring for yourself, and he didn’t appreciate it at all. ”Good,” he said as she promised him. Though he wasn’t sure he believed her, that childish part of him yapping in the back of his head about how she was a Slytherin and they always lied. Remus tilted his head, blinking as she turned away from him. Opening his mouth, he wondered if he should ask if she was okay or not. After a moment he decided not to pry and closed his mouth.

When she spun back around and shot him a look that he knew all too well, Remus knew he was in for it. The corners of his lips quirked up in an amused grin as she pointed out his flaw. ”Yes, well, I suppose you’re right. I don’t have much of a valid excuse. If I were Sirius, I’d smile and say ‘I followed a pretty lady into the woods for a good bang’, but I’m not and nor was that ever my intention.” What would he say? Chances were that he would also get into trouble, but the professors were all fond of him. So perhaps he would get let off the hook easy. Shrugging his shoulders finally he said, ”So you’ve successfully butchered my blackmail. Not that I was intending on ratting on you anyways.”

[``helena evelyn berkeley]

The humor that remained on his expression made her a tiny bit curious. Frowning slightly, her perfect brows crinkling upon her forehead, she whispered, "Are you under the impression of believing me to be quite humorous, Lupin?" She fluttered her lashes at him and moved closer, trying to find another emotion upon his features. She shrugged nonchalantly at his comment of the arachnids she was so terrified with. "Yes, well, did you know that the brown recluse can cause someone's skin to deteriorate surrounding the bite it enacted?" She shivered. One of her cousin's had had the misfortune of being bitten by such a creature and the image of the deteriorating skin around the wound was most revolting, embedded into her brain forevermore. Blinking rapidly, she remembered trying to help the poor boy in ceasing the flow of blood but it had taken hours for it to actually stop. So disgusting. At his second statement, she looked at him, her emeralds meeting those soft blues. For some reason, she found a hidden meaning to his words. Walking closer to him, she leaned her face nearer to his, trying to decipher any type of expression he had on his face. He was standing in the presence of a monster, so how could he think that there would be something worse out here? Did he know of something else, another creature she had yet to learn about, perhaps? He was hiding something. She was sure of it. But, she said nothing else.

Her heart fluttered terribly when he smiled. The kindness emanating from him was nearly too much, too good for her. Why was it that she had to surround herself with the people that would never like her? He knew she was a Slytherin and yet he was still talking to her. There must be something there, she supposed. At least he wasn't like Sirius. She was terrified of Black. Something in his eyes always reminded her of Bellatrix. Helena could barely manage to keep eye contact with him. But Remus? His eyes were gentle and caring. She was still frightened, but not of his appearance, just his next move. Watching his gentle blues drift up towards the moon, Helena noticed a kind of expression she hadn't expected float through his eyes: disgust. How could he be so irritated with the presence of the moon, a heavenly being so beautiful in its grace? Staring at him closely, she whispered, eyes searching, "What is it that you dislike about the moon, Remus?" She waited for him to betray himself with an expression, simply gazing at him as if she were simply asking a normal question. Helena thought it extremely odd that Remus didn't follow the rules of being a Prefect to the point, but she did know of him being a Marauder. They must all have a streak of mischief in them. She gave a slight smile. "It sounds as if you have walked the Forest floor quite often, Remus. Is that correct?"

Helena watched as he moved and leaned against a tree. As the moonlight glimmered slightly upon his skin through the branches above him, she couldn't help but marvel at how attractive she found him. Blushing at such a thought, she cleared her throat and focused on what he was saying to her. She nodded at his apology, her emeralds taking in the perfect contours of his face before she replied with, "I meant no disrespect by my words. I apologize for being so impolite . . . It just seems like most people believe me to be weak and insolent . . . as if they expect me to fail." She looked away from him, knowing that her mother believed her to be nothing but a doll to order around, a doll that was too afraid to cut the strings that her mother had wrapped around her. When she looked back at him, she noticed him open his mouth but then close it. Had he been thinking about asking if she was alright? She could only assume, but she read a tad bit of concern upon his facial features. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to so badly, but everything inside of her was telling her to keep her mouth shut. She had not been raised to reveal her thoughts of others, yet that control had been slipping away each second. Softly, she moved to a tree nearby him and leaned against it as well, watching him with her shining emeralds. She took a deep breath and whispered, "You must think me foolish to venture here without precautions." But, he did not know she was slipping, losing her sanity as each day went on. She had begun to find out that her favorite activities were no longer exciting. She was losing herself and she didn't know what to do. The worst part of the whole thing was that she had no one to talk with anymore.

Taking a deep breath as she felt the monster growing in her chest, Helena felt her eyes burning with contempt. She had seen his amused smile and it had made her even more furious. But, being a bigger coward than she was a monster, she turned away from him. She had never done anything for herself, much less tell someone else what for. She looked back at him as he spoke and her caramel face turned bright red at his words, the anger fading completely into embarrassment. How disgusting! But, how very typical it would be if she had been out here with Sirius. She blinked rapidly. He had called her pretty. She didn't know if he was simply channeling what Sirius would have said or what he really saw, but she found it very flattering. Continuing to remain red in the face, she whispered, "I daresay that I am quite glad you are nothing like Sirius Black." Her voice had turned to disgust as she spoke of him. He had never been nice to her, treated her like nothing. But, she wasn't really anything, was she? Simply a ghost floating through life without a thought of her own in mind. She shrugged at his last statement, rather surprised. Tilting her head to the side, she whispered, "Why? Are you just not in the mood or do you have a kinder soul than I could have pinned in you?"

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[``remus john lupin]

Remus tilted his head and looked over at her the very same look of amusement that she had been so curious about. The corners of his lips quirked upward a fraction, eyes open fully and crinkling at the edges. It was something that only happened when he was enjoying himself greatly. ”I find a lot of things humorous.” He answered. At the flutter of her eyes his expression changed as he attempted to figure out why she had done it. The grin was lost, if only for a moment before it returned along with a short laugh. ”Yes, well there are also snakes that can send you into seizures within a matter of minutes, and animals with great big teeth and some with horns that can tear you to shreds before a spider bite can devour your arm.” Oh and how Remus knew, after the countless times of taking a swipe at his dear friends. Not including all the damage he did to himself before they came around. He still bore those scars, which remained as hidden as possible at all times.

His eyes had deceived him once more it seemed. Remus had not been expecting for Helena to catch onto something so simple. In fact, he couldn’t be so sure as to if he had actually given any sort of look towards the moon. Perhaps it was just habit to look up at the moon in disgust now, as he normally did accompany by fear. But now his fear was elsewhere. He had to come up with some sort of excuse, a believable one of course. The mask was slid into place as he looked over at Helena and smiled. ”It’s just annoying is all. We’ve gotten caught a few times roaming the grounds because of it, especially when it’s nearing a full moon. It’s ridiculously bright, almost like a search light.” That lie had been one of his worst, especially since the Marauders had an invisible cloak. They never got caught because of the moon! None the less, Remus hoped she would believe it and if not, that she would drop it and ask no more questions. ”Though I suppose it can’t be all that bad, it’s the reason I caught glimpse of you afterall..” Flattery perhaps, could aid in deterring her from the topic. The Marauder nodded his head at her next question, glad to be off the previous topic and let out a small laugh. ”Not too often, but on occasion the Marauders enjoy a good mischievous adventure.”

A small chuckle escaped the blond as she apologized. ”There’s no need. You think you aren’t being polite, but you’re one of the most polite Slytherin’s I’ve ever had a conversation with.” For a moment he went quiet, thinking over what he had said and realizing that really, he barely spoke to any Slytherin’s. ”Which is few, I’m sure as you can imagine, but you aren’t spouting out insults at me and you appear to be able to have civil conversations which is quite a pleasant change.” He took the moment to shift his weight to the opposite foot, but his eyes never left Helena. Some would say he was studying her now. Trying to figure out what was laced underneath her words. There was something there. Someone in the past had probably broken what pride and self esteem the young woman had, or so he guessed. ”Well I never assumed that..but either way, is it not through failure that we learn? Not everything can be done right the first time. Nobody is perfect, and everyone is a bit of a fool.”

Curiosity sparked once more as she suddenly turned away from him. Was it something he had said that offended her? Before he could ask, and try and correct whatever error he might have made, she turned around and turned a bright shade of red. Remus could feel his eyes widen. That wasn’t the reaction he had anticipated. In fact, when had he ever made a girl blush? What was he supposed to do, or say? The mild panic was washed away as she spoke, turning into amusement once more. ”This school could only handle one Sirius, and besides, I wouldn’t be able to handle being in his shoes. Being a social butterfly that flutters from blossoming flower to flower really isn’t my thing.” It was really, the nicest way to put what Sirius did with the girls at school. Remus loved Sirius, but something’s he simply didn’t understand or think of as the right thing to do. His head shook at her question, ”No, I actually find that I enjoy talking to you. You aren’t as idiotic as the rest of your house, minus the other one I’ve spoke to. And trust me, had you reacted violently in any sort I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d have left you and gone to find a professor and made sure that you were in a heap of trouble.”


ooc: sorry it's bad but I wanted to finish this before I left.

[``helena evelyn berkeley]

Helena wished he would let on about what was so amusing. If he found her hilarious, why couldn't he just say so? It was very humiliating, to say the least. Her face hadn't continuously been this reddish color since Rabastan Lestrange had bombarded her in the Prefect's Bathroom. She had found someone else with the password, for she had been itching for relaxation. She supposed that Rabastan had done the same. Oh, it was so embarrassing. Her face grew darker in its reddish hue at the memory. She frowned slightly, taking a look at what she was doing that could be so funny to him. When she could find nothing, she murmured, "But, I am not doing anything that could result in someone else finding it humorous. Is there something on my face?" She reached a hand to touch her cheeks, but all she felt was the smooth caramel skin beneath her fingers. She wasn't used to people smiling around her. Most were simply wary of her or they prodded at her to get her attention. Usually if she didn't smile, they didn't. But, she wasn't doing anything and here, Remus Lupin was grinning like a wolf! She frowned when his grin faded and her lashes fluttered again, out of anxiety. She couldn't figure him out. She blinked rapidly at his laugh, thinking it to be quite handsome. When he spoke, Helena watched him closely, her emeralds searching his face for all of his expressions. She shrugged away the reminiscent and familiar look in his eyes before saying, "Yes, but depending on the specific creature, there are varying levels of disturbing attributes, would you not agree? Most people base their irrational fears on what their terrors resemble. I am not so horrified of snakes even though they can do many dastardly things to us. And, despite the fact that there are many creatures that have large teeth, spiders are just simply more terrifying to me." She didn't know why she felt the need to explain herself to him, but she knew of creatures. The Acromantulas that she read so much about horrified her to the extent of adding to her inability to sleep at night.

Helena frowned when she read the spreading fear that clouded his expression. She was about to say something of reassurance--of what, she wasn't sure--but she knew that she didn't tell people everything about her. Whatever he didn't like about the moon was his business. She shouldn't have asked. It wasn't as if he asked her why she didn't like Voldemort or something of the sort. She raised a perfectly poised brow at his response and she couldn't help but smirk. She didn't really believe it, but she didn't have anything to base her mistrust on. She had a feeling the Marauders could hide from the moon. She had never heard of them getting caught because of it. Shrugging, she nodded at him, careful to let him know that she wouldn't ask about it. She could sense that he was hiding something, but so was she. What right did she have of butting into his business when she hadn't told him her secrets? Her eyes widened ever so slightly at his change in opinion of the moon in an attempt to flatter her. Her blush flew across her face once more and she nodded absently, wondering if he really meant it. If he meant it that he thought it a good thing to see her. She looked away from him and then smirked at his reply. She wondered where the Marauders spent most of their time, the place they had the most memories. Without being able to stop herself, she whispered, "What kind of adventure would happen in here other than the simple fact of keeping yourself alive to fend off the many creatures that hide themselves in the trees?" She blushed at her question, figuring it to be too intrusive.

Helena gazed at him softly with her saddened emeralds, listening to his words with attentiveness. She wasn't known to forget anything and she filed away expressions and conversations to be stowed away in the back of her brain, like photographic memory of sorts. A small smile flew across her full lips at his compliment. She knew that many Slytherins were pompous and arrogant, but it was how they all had been raised. She didn't know why she wasn't like that. She supposed it had to do with her grandmother. Oh, how she missed her! Helena wished beyond everything that it had been her mother instead of her. It would have been so much better. She nodded at him, her sad little smile continually staying on her caramel face. It seemed tiring for her, however, and the grin faded back into her stoic visage that she wore frequently, if not all of the time. Softly, she said, "I was raised to behave as a civil human being, but it is quite embarrassing to see the others in my house, who have grown up in similar households, behave in such barbaric ways. I cannot imagine what their families are like, especially because mine is one of the worst---I mean---ahem---It just seems unnatural for them to act less than proper . . ." She trailed off, having succeeded in embarrassing herself yet again. She had insulted her parents, which they deserved, but she shouldn't be spouting off insults about her own blood. It wasn't right, even if her parents were two of the cruelest and inhuman people to ever walk the Earth. She heard him shifting and looked over, watching as his weight moved to a different foot. Blinking, her eyes flashed to his and she noticed that he was watching her. She supposed it was only natural. He probably thought her partly insane or something of the sort for apologizing about things that she need not be sorry for. When he spoke again, Helena wished that her mother and father had the same mindset. Remus obviously didn't understand. If she didn't do what she was told in the exact way she had been told to achieve it, she would be punished. She had to be perfect because there would be consequences. Softly, with a withering energy, she murmured, "It would be nice if everyone thought in such a way, Remus, but some people have different standards." She cleared her throat gently, hoping he wouldn't pry. But, then again, why should she hide the horrors of her parents and her suspicions of her mother having been involved with her grandmother's death? It wouldn't matter anyway. She was stuck underneath of her mother's hands which prodded and poked her so that the little doll that was Helena would do everything she was told.

When Helena saw that his eyes were wide with confusion, she fluttered her lashes in embarrassment again. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest and she felt like running away. She would probably just humiliate herself like she'd been doing ever since he found her. She gave a derisive snort at his comment on Sirius. Sure, he was extremely attractive, but he didn't treat women right, in Helena's opinion. She was a lady and she wouldn't stoop down to such levels. It was horrendous. "I am simply disgusted with the fact that the females believe it necessary to condone his behavior with returns of his disgusting and inappropriate affections." She knew that Remus was one of Sirius's best friends, but she didn't care. The blond seemed more of a gentleman than Sirius could ever be, in her opinion, and he wasn't screaming at her because she was a Slytherin. Remus had yet to be rude to her. Another blush ran up the cheeks of her face as he claimed to enjoy talking to her. She had never heard that before in her life. Most of the people that spoke to her found it a nuisance or thought her to be quite dull. But, he thought her to be enjoyable? That was new. Her eyes squinted in interest as he spoke. She smirked at his last sentence, figuring it to be viable. She moved to lie back on the ground, not really caring about the spiders right now. She was sick of standing, for it was taking too much of her energy away. Her black hair lay all around her face along the forest floor, the vibrant waves going in all directions. She moved her head so that she was looking at him, the side of her face lying on the cool ground before she replied, "To be honest, you are the first person that has ever claimed to enjoy talking with me. I do not blame you for believing my housemates to be foolish and obnoxious for I share your opinion." She stopped for a moment, measuring his expression with her shining emerald eyes. "You mean Kacie, do you not? She is darling, really. She is one of the only ones that has taken the time to talk to me without dismissing my thoughts." She flashed a brief smile when he said he would have gotten her into trouble had she been ungrateful and rude. She was glad that she hadn't been for she would not have been able to get away before the professor came back, which was probably his point. She nodded, telling him that she understood.

OOC: Your posties are never bad, Remmypoo.

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[``remus john lupin]

Perhaps he should stop grinning and looking thoroughly amused. Apparently it was confusing though, which made him want to laugh all the more. But instead of doing so, he simply smiled and shook his head at her. ”I apologize. I can assure you that there is nothing on your face.” Well, aside from her beauty. But that wasn’t to be said out loud, of course. Remus surprised himself by even thinking that. That’s not to say she wasn’t pretty, no, she was gorgeous. Pushing aside the thoughts, Remus returned to listening to her as she spoke of fears. He nodded his head and replied, ”True enough.” There really wasn’t much else to be said since she had summarized it well enough.

That was such a terrible excuse, and judging by her reaction he doubt that she believed it. Remus could only hope that she wouldn’t question it and that she would simply drop it. Though now she would have reason to believe that they were hiding something. If she went searching out for some sort of answer, if she pieced things together, he couldn’t imagine her not figuring it out. This was what he got for talking to people. Withholding a sigh, he gave a small nod of his head in acknowledgement toward her own. It appeared that she wasn’t going to push the topic, much to his relief. But how much of her that he could really trust was a whole other story. Remus only put his trust in a select few and even they balanced on a thin line. The muscles in his face twitched, a grin growing on his lips as he saw her blush. It was unusual for him to cause such a reaction in someone, and a part of him was amused and proud of himself. For a moment the blond wondered if, and how, he should reply to her question. Intrusive as it was, he found there was a simple way to answer it. ”James and Sirius both have a twisted sense of humor, if you haven’t already realized it.” It was the truth, but as far as the truth as to what they did in the forest? Far from it.

Remus smiled as he listened to her, nodding slightly. It was odd to hear that a Slytherin had been raised as such. Then again perhaps it shouldn’t have been. There had to be a few oddballs here and there, right? There was in each house. Certainly a few in Gryffindor, those who weren’t particularly bright in any subject or brave. Remus found it interesting, her views on her fellow housemates. It certainly wasn’t something that was heard everyday. He was sure that it probably made her time spent in that house quite emotionally trying. Remus simply nodded, deciding not to say anything after. Once more he shifted, deciding to slid down and take a seat on the forest floor with his back against the cold trunk of the tree. ”No, I understand that.” He answered as he folded his arms over his chest and sighed. People in the world had different views. They always had, and always would, whether they were right or not.

A bark like laugh escaped the Marauder as she spoke with distaste about Sirius. She was one of very few that shared that view. ”I can’t say I disagree with you.” He loved Sirius, but some of the things he did..well..it went without say. As of late though, he had gotten a tad better. Remus was sure it had something to do with Kacie, but it wasn’t his place to say. The rest of the schools females were the same as ever though. ”I doubt it will ever change.” Remus was just glad that he they left him the hell alone. Dealing with such dramatic and needy people would possibly break him. His blue eyes tracked her, watching as she laid down with a small smile. Had she not just been complaining about spiders? Not that he was about to point it out to her. The smile grew as she spoke, ”Well I meant every word of it.” He said, just to reassure her that she was enjoyable to talk to. Then he nodded at her question. ”She’s nice. One of the nicest people I’ve met here, infact.” Which seemed odd to say considering the house she was from, but Remus was realizing that not everything was as it seemed here at Hogwarts.

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[``helena evelyn berkeley]

Helena tilted her head to the side once more as she watched him grin that handsome smile yet again. He was so attractive. Her heart beat wildly deep in her ribcage as he stood there, just watching her. When he shook his head and reassured her that there was no random item of food on her face, she flashed him a grateful smile. She wished he weren't so beautiful, for it would make this a lot easier if he weren't. She didn't know if she would have been able to talk to him even if he weren't very cute, but she supposed that anyone she came into contact with would become acquainted with her awkward social skills. Watching him with her emerald eyes, she noticed a sort of awe come about his expression and she became suddenly fearful that her Veela blood may be affecting him in some way. It was one of the reasons she found that she could never grow close to men. She was terrified that they would simply fall in love with her because of her hereditary charm. She supposed that it was a good thing to have this charm, for she was sure that no man would have dared to approach her otherwise. Her sickly sweet scent attracted them from all around and for some reason, she didn't want Remus to fall under that. Should she run? No, but maybe she should be cruel to him, to save them both. Hearing him agree with her, she nodded and looked away from him, trying to figure out what to do. He was standing far enough away for her smell not to affect him, or so she hoped, but if he were to gain proximity to her, she would begin to fear the worst. Her least favorite thing was when men had a glossy-eyed expression on their face, completely enthralled by her, but for all the wrong reasons.

Noticing that he understood her obviously mistrustful expression, she could practically feel his anxiety washing over him. Tilting her head to the side when he nodded, she suddenly felt the urge to reassure him. Stepping slowly closer, she found herself right before him, emeralds glittering into the sparkling blues. Softly, she reached up a hand to trace her fingertips across his cheek, the feeling of his smooth skin sending her heart into another unnatural rhythm. With gentleness, she whispered, "Please do not believe me to be traitorous, Remus. I will not attempt to uncover your secret, whatever it may be. We all have things that we would like to keep hidden. You surely have some idea about the smiles people give you when inside they are indeed falling apart?" Tears formed in her green optics, tinging her already sorrowful eyes with misery. She parted her lips to say something more, to tell him that she had ruined her life for all eternity by becoming a Death Eater. But, she couldn't do it. Instead, her hand fell away from his face and she looked away from him. They were in similar situations, to be honest. She was sure that if he dug deep enough, he would be able to figure out what it was that she was hiding, especially because of her family's values. Thankfully, she had been able to keep it from Kacie up to this point, so maybe she could hide it forever. But, how long was she willing to keep this horrible secret upon herself? There were only two options. She could live her life like she was at the moment and make sure to stay away from anyone who could be considered unworthy like the man standing before her while losing herself in the process. The impossible alternative was to do what she wished, be disowned by her family and lose everything she once held dear. She was not so courageous, but she still felt the pull to become the Healer she dreamed about. She wanted desperately to make her own name for herself, but she had been sorted into Slytherin for a reason. Kacie had been attempting to show her the way for a little while, but the girl didn't understand. The pressure to be perfect and to follow every order was waning on Helena, and she feared that she would break soon. She was growing weaker by the day and she knew it would begin to reveal itself, through the barriers she had placed around herself. She knew that there was no hope.

Blushing a deeper shade of red when she saw his grin, Helena feared that her heart would burst with emotion. She could not tell what this particular emotion was, but she had never felt it before. Terrified of it, she immediately stifled it away, eager to rid herself of the unknown. She flashed him a smirk of her own when he spoke of James and Sirius. She was still so shocked that Remus had the nerve to hang around with those hooligans. Sirius was despicable and James was simply a buffoon. Ugh, and that Peter creature. He was the most disgusting of all. Helena knew he was sweet, but she had felt many odd things when she had been around him, an intuition of sorts that she would not shake off. She wasn't going to trust him, for she knew his weakness and yearning to be around people who could protect him. He was a coward, much like herself. It takes one to know one. "I daresay that it would be hard to miss such foolish personalities. Tell me, Remus, why do you spend your time with people like them? You seem so much more mature and level-headed." Before she could stop herself, she realized somewhat why he was always around them. They needed a stable person in their group to make sure things continuously went as planned. She knew that Remus was the cleverest man she had ever encountered, so it was only natural if his friends thought the same way. She suddenly realized that he had never answered the question she had inquired of him, but chose to dismiss it, saving it for another day. The Marauders were a mysterious lot, to be honest, and although Helena loved to learn about everything possible, she liked to leave some things up in the air.

Reading the interest in his eyes as she spoke of her distaste in her Housemates, Helena wondered if she had said too much. For some reason, she simply felt very comfortable around Remus. He had a sweetness about him that resonated through his entire body language. Flashing him an apologetic smile, she whispered, "I apologize, Remus. You probably do not wish to be bothered with stories of my fellow Slytherins." She cringed as she spoke as if the very thought of having to be around those people were painful for her. Indeed it was for every fiber of her being was screaming to run in the other direction, away from them all. She smiled when he chuckled, thinking it to be quite an animalistic but attractive laugh. Such a noise brought peace to her soul, and she couldn't help but allow it to relax her, ever so slightly. "That is because you are a gentleman and do not need the constant affections of a female to keep you happy. It is very reassuring." Another grin flickered across her face, those emeralds glinting with a slight joy. Moving onto her stomach so that she could look at him more comfortably, she felt her face heat up once more as he assured her that he had been completely serious. He had no idea how much it meant to her to have someone to talk to outside of her house. Sure, she had Kacie, but sometimes they were both too stiff and closed for Helena's liking. Fluttering her lashes anxiously, she nodded, listening to him speak about Kacie. "I believe that she will change him," she whispered, talking of Sirius. She hoped that Remus would understand, for she assumed that he saw her and his fellow Marauder quite frequently together. It was only natural. But, she wanted to see his thoughts about it, for she found that she would take his opinion on anything rather highly.