It's All Over [[SIRIUS]]

[``kacie marie helms]

Kacie stared at the plate sitting before her emotionlessly, feeling no hunger, feeling nothing. She had recieved the news from Dumbledore four days ago, only to visit home and to read it in The Daily Prophet the next day. She had recieved several letters from Sirius over the course of those days, but she had not replied to any of them. She couldn't tell him in a letter, it was too cold, to impersonal. She had not written a single word. She had walked the corridors numbly, passed him without a single glance, let alone any snide remarks. She still heard the whispers of the students when they thought she wasn't listening, could hear the suspicion, but she did not care anymore. The voices of students talking to one another buzzed in her ears as she continued to stare at the pile of food sitting before her in the Great Hall. It wasn't until a Seventh Year Slytherin addressed her that she looked up.

"Did you read the Prophet the other day, Helms?" He taunted, "Bridge collapsed in London. Killed about 37 Muggles. I hear one of them was related to a student here." Kacie narrowed her eyes at the boy, the emerald gaze flickering with the first sense of feeling she had felt all week. "Guess you're happy now, huh? No more Muggle brother to disgrace your-

Beyond fury, Kacie extended her arm with as much force as she could muster, hitting the Slytherin square in the jaw and leaving him sprawled on the floor. She was soon standing over the boy's body, her wand aimed at his heart. "Don't you dare say a word against my brother," she whispered. The Seventh Year's eyes glittered with satisfaction as he retorted loudly, "So it's true. You really are a Muggle loving traitor, aren't you?!" Kacie glared at the boy, her wall beaten down, her anger and hatred emanating from every pore in her body. "Damn right!" She replied just as loudly, "And those 'bloody Muggles' you're talking about have more compasion in one brain cell than you do in this whole pathetic little house of Death Eaters!"

She could hear the remaining students in the Great Hall go silent as she ranted on. She turned her glare on those in the croud. "What?" She yelled, "Anyone else want to mess with the Muggle lover?" When no one replied, she found herself stepping onto the Slytherin table, looking down on all of the students around her. She was way past her breaking point; she was broken. She glared at the green uniforms in the croud. "How's it feel Slytherin, huh?!" She shouted, "Knowing that for the past six years, you've been walking the same halls, sharing the same dormitories, with a Mudblood!" Her voice broke on the word, her face curling in disgust, "How's it feel knowing that I knew all of your dirty little secrets, your ambitions. How's it feel knowing that I made your Quidditch team? A girl and a muggleborn? Tell me, how does it feel knowing you've been decieved, outsmarted by someone like me!" Kacie's gaze flipped up to Albus Dumbledore's shocked face, not surprised by the expression she had only seen on his face once in her life. "I'm tired," she said, staring into the Headmaster's eyes, meaning every word that she said, "And I'm done."

Without another word, she hopped off the Slytherin table, storming towards the double doors and throwing them open furiously, stomping through the corridors. Tears began to stream down her face, and soon, almost randomly, she found herself on the Seventh Floor. The pure fury and hatred that built up in her chest was suddenly too much for her, and with a roar, she punched the nearest thing to her, which, unfortunately, was the wall. She let out a gasp of pain, and quickly retracted her arm, cradling her fist to her chest. Her back soon bumped against the wall, and she was sliding to the floor. Sobs retched themselves from her chest, and she pulled her knees towards herself, bending her head over them. She cried, a hollow, empty sound filled with agony, grief, and hopelessness. She was completely alone now. She had no one. Nothing.

[[OOC: sorry, lol. I told you it would be sad =[ ]]

[``sirius orion black]

Sirius was sitting in the Great Hall with James, his silver eyes flickering to every attractive girl he saw around him. Most of them were Gryffindors, but he found it uncanny that most of them feigned hating him. He could see it in their eyes that they thought otherwise, except for Lily. Damn, she was so irritating. He could swear that she was the only woman that could deny him. It was frustrating, but he knew he didn't really care for he wanted her to be with James. He knew it was going to happen, too, for he could feel it in his bones. As he ate a mouthful of cereal, he began to play "see"food with James, guffawing and grinning as they had some fun before they went to the lake to lounge about and check out all of the girls. It was a rather cool day, but they didn't mind. That just meant more girls would be desperate for some warmth, something that they were willing to give them. More Sirius than James, nowadays, however.

When James turned to talk to Frank Longbottom on his right, Sirius's eyes zoomed to the Slytherin Table. Immediately, he spotted Regulus. His face became stoic and he wondered why he even bothered anymore. Why did he even try to make it look like everything was alright or that he didn't care? He cared so much for his little brother, but he couldn't do anything. To be seen with a Slytherin and one that claimed to be a Death Eater, well not publicly. But, he was like Severus in a way. They both hung around the ones that spoke highly of Voldemort, but there was no sure-fire evidence that they were going to join him. Then, as he heard a rather strangled cry come from the other end of the table. His silver pools darted off in that direction, just after he made eye contact with his little brother. Ignoring the complex churning of his heart, Sirius watched a Slytherin get up from the ground, holding his nose in his hand, blood leaking through the cracks between his fingers.

The whole Hall went quiet and with a plummeting of his heart, Sirius saw Kacie standing with her fist in the air. He couldn't see her expression from this far away, but he could hear what she was saying. Wasn't she supposed to keep the fact that she was Muggleborn to herself? His silver eyes widened in disbelief as her anger grew. He could feel it from across the room. When she stepped on top of the Slytherin table, he heard gasps and whispers erupt from all of the other tables, some people standing up and looking confused and flustered. Frowning as someone stood up in front of his view, Sirius moved, finding Kacie through the crowd of onlookers. He cringed when she screamed the word he had heard Severus call Lily and he felt his heart beat faster. He knew she hated that name, but he could barely see her face. But then, she saw her face flicker towards Dumbledore. He frowned very slightly, keeping that in his mind to ask her about later. He figured that wasn't a very smart move to look at him. But, when Sirius did, he saw shock and disapproval written on the Headmaster's face. Also, there was a deep sorrow, all aimed towards Kacie.

At her last words, Sirius found that he hadn't heard correctly. Shock filtered into his veins and fear flew through his bones. Was she going to commit suicide? As the bustling of the Great Hall died down a bit, Sirius remained standing, staring at the door she had left through. Giving one look to James, who already knew everything, he shrugged and then shot off out of the Great Hall, finding her scent in the hallways and following it quickly. When it reached higher and higher up the school, he could feel more terror flooding into his body. Was she heading towards the Astronomy Tower? "Please no . . ." he whispered as he darted through the corridors. Then, with relief, he heard her roar and his chest twisted in agony for her. What was wrong with her? She was acting so strange. As he turned the corner, he saw her sitting back against the wall, her tears falling down her cheeks, staining the porcelain with a sorrow he never thought imaginable. Then, her face was hidden from him and he ran and fell in front of her, lifting her face up so that her eyes met his. "Kacie, please, don't do this. Talk to me. Please." He was desperate. He wanted to make her feel better. To make her believe that he could be trusted. He was in Gryffindor for merlin's sake! He was as loyal as they got. Besides, he should have thought that obvious because of the fact that he turned into a dog. Weren't they the most loyal animal? But, she didn't know that and he wasn't going to say anything about that yet. It might lead to Remus once more.

His silver eyes suddenly darted around the hall and he stood up from her for a moment, running over to a blank space of wall and striding back and forth by it three times, thinking, I need some place to comfort her. I need some place to help her. I need some place to love her. When the Room of Requirements door appeared, Sirius ran back over to Kacie, gave her one scrutinizing look, and then put one arm underneath of her knees and one behind her back. He picked her up and the door of the Room opened before him. It seemed almost like his Common Room, filled with candies of all sorts and a couple of couches. There was a fireplace before it and Sirius quickly moved towards the sofa and gently placed her down onto it. Then, making sure the door shut, he glided back over to her and put her face in his hands once more. With a whisper full of velvet, he whispered, "Tell me what's wrong, Kacie." It was a plea more than anything, but something inside of him was desperate for her to tell him. Not because he was nosy or because he wanted to use something against her. He sincerely cared about her.

And that thought scared him.

[/size]

[``kacie marie helms]

Kacie's sobs echoed through the corridor, and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to put herself back together, but it was no use. Nothing could fix the split in her heart. He was gone. She was never going to see him again. Her sobs grew louder, more agonized. It hurt so much, far too much. She felt as if she could die from the pain. She just wanted it all to go away, or at least to forget about it, for a little while. She could faintly hear hurried footsteps in the corridor, and she knew it wasn't Albus. He would have been far quieter in his strides. No, the pace at which this person was running seemed almost desperate. As the figure turned around the corner, she did not lift her head from her knees. Her body shook violently, the tears streaming down her face and saturating her robes. She didn't care; they could burn for all she cared. The figure rushed to her side, and she could hear the person kneeling before her. Strong, rough, calloused hands lifted her face, and she stared blankly into the silver eyes of Sirius Black. She felt a flicker of another emotion running through her, before being engulfed in the grief once more: gratitude. She didn't know what she might have done, had he not arrived. "Kacie, please, don't do this. Talk to me. Please." His voice was strangled, desperate. As the tears continued to fall down her face, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Do what?" She replied in a dead voice. She didn't know what he meant by that plea, though the words rang through her mind. Don't do this, don't do this... She could no longer see the face before her, the tears blurring her vision. She stared through him as she said monotonously, "He's gone."

She forced herself to take deep breaths, to calm her hyperventalating. The pain was still there, as vivid as ever, but she had finally managed to make the crying stop. Rational thought was returning slowly, but surely. She was slowly returning to a state of numbness, for which she was glad. She watched as Sirius' silver eyes suddenly darted around the hall and stood up from her for a moment, running over to a blank space of wall and striding back and forth by it three times, appearing to be in deep thought. Though she did not appear to look it, she was surprised to see a large oak door appear out of nowhere. So this must be the Room of Requirement, she thought dully. When the door appeared, Sirius ran back over to Kacie, gave her one scrutinizing look, and then put one arm underneath of her knees and one behind her back. As he picked her up, she sighed, almost relieved by his touch. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder as he walked through the open doorway. It seemed almost like one of Hogwart's Common Rooms, filled with candies of all sorts and a couple of couches. There was a fireplace before it and Sirius quickly moved towards the sofa and gently placed her down onto it. She immediately pulled her legs towards her chest, and wrapped her arms around them, her chin resting on her knees as she studied the room. A TV appeared in a corner of the room, two video tapes placed on top of the VCR. As Sirius walked towards the door quickly, seeming to make sure it was shut, she pulled the TV before the sofa, glad that there was no need for a plug. She grabbed the remote from atop the television after placing one of the videos inside, and returned to the sofa. Sirius then glided back over to her and put her face in his hands once more. With a whisper full of velvet, he whispered, "Tell me what's wrong, Kacie." It was a plea more than anything, and she could sense the desperation behind it. She opened her mouth to tell him, but found she could not. Then, sighing, she whispered in a scratchy voice, "Have you ever tried so hard not to cry that your throat began to ache? It's been like that for me since Monday."

She gently lifted the remote, and turned on the television. Immediately, her own and Thomas' face filled the screen in their Muggle garage back home, laughing as she pointed her wand at a bass guitar and an electic one. They rose into the air on their own, and began to play a musical tune. Kacie gasped in shock for a moment, memorizing his face, before a startled laugh escaped through her lips. "That little arse," she chuckled, a watery laugh, "He video taped this." Her eyes remained transfixed on the television as she heard herself speak as she took her place at the drums. "Have fun while it lasts, you bloody git. Two more weeks and I'm gone." "Yeah, back to a place where the magic tricks are real and the slags are halfway decent." Both the figures on the screen laughed as the music continued. Thomas picked up his own guitar, stepping up to a microphone. The instruments were surrounded by speakers, making the sound much louder than it really was. Kacie had a faint smile on her lips as she watched herself play the drums and her brother sing:

"I'm through with standin in line,
The clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the 9th
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)
I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king-sized tub big enough for ten plus me
(Ha, so what you need)
I need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club at 37,000 feet
(Been there, done that)
I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'll even cut my hair and change my name
//'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
Where we'll VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold diggers gonna wind up bare
Every playboy bunny with a bleach blond hair
And well
Hey Hey
I wanna be a rockstar....."

As the song continued, Kacie found herself lightly singing along with the video, becoming transfixed with the images. Thomas had been much taller than her, with shaggy, dark brown hair and eyes just as piercing an emerald as her own. He was thin, muscular, and any girl that saw him practically swooned. She watched as the song ended, and Thomas grinned at her. "Just wait," he said, "Once that bloody war's over and we have some people to fill in for your little gift, we'll be more famous than AC/DC!" Kacie's face fell at the words, and her eyes filled with pain as she realized that Thomas would never sing another note, would never become the famous musician he had longed to be. "Thomas and I shared a passion for music. I think that's one of the things that made us so close," she murmured.

[``sirius orion black]

Sirius couldn't understand her sorrow. Then again, he wasn't very skilled at dealing with grief-stricken girls. He usually tried to avoid such things. But, Kacie was his friend and he was going to be there for her. When she just sat there blankly, Sirius grew desperate. He didn't want to lose her to this utter sorrow. He had been there all those years ago. Obviously, she wasn't going through the same thing, but he didn't have a clue as to what it would be that was making her feel this way. It killed him not knowing, not because he was nosy, but because he wanted to fix what was broken. Watching the gratitude flash through her eyes, Sirius gave her an answering smile, full of reassurance. As her confused voice reached his ears, he stroked her soft cheeks with his strong hands. He had feared that he would be too late in coming up here. He thought she might do herself in some sort of way. But, she seemed to be intact for now, at least physically. Instead of voicing his fears of her suicidal expressions, he murmured, "Don't give in to the despair. It will only destroy you." He hoped she would listen to him. He knew this feeling all too well. Despite what people may have thought, he had been devastated leaving his home. The moment he had walked out of that door, he felt broken and alone, with no Regulus by his side. He even figured that his parents would laugh as he left. But, his dog-like senses could hear Regulus's tears. Yet, he couldn't turn around. It was too late for that. He'd already defied them and there was no way he could just turn around and demand that Regulus come with him. Then, when he had arrived at James' house, he had been welcomed in like a second son. The tears that had spilled that night was the only time any of the Marauders had seen him cry. It was then that Remus, for he was there, and James knew never to bring up his family. They realized that it was obviously a touchy subject. All he told them was that he'd left and that Regulus was too afraid to follow him. Sirius had always known his brother to be a gentler soul, despite who he hung around with and what he acted like. Oh yes, his little brother was excellent at deception, except with Sirius. He could see right through the younger boy that looked very much like him. Clenching his jaw, Sirius felt tears swim in his eyes. But,t they weren't for himself. They were for her.

Sirius had no idea how to get rid of her pain. It had taken him a year or so until he'd truly felt better about his leaving his brother to that House of Wolves. But, he had no viewpoint of Kacie. Then she said the two words that struck him immobile. He's gone . . . His heart broke for her and he knew in that instant that she was speaking of Thomas. He wanted to know how, wanted to know if it'd been anyone from the magical community so he could kill them, but he didn't. Nodding once after clenching his jaw tighter, he swallowed and wiped some of the tears away from her face. "I'm so sorry, Kacie." And he was. He knew what it was like to lose a brother, maybe not in this way, but in a way. He could relate, if only slightly. The sudden lack of expression on her face scared him and he sighed quite sadly. For a moment, he grinned widely and then muttered, "I'm not going to let you out of my sight until I'm sure you're alright, Kacie." He was completely serious, too. He didn't want her to do anything that she would regret. As Sirius situated himself on the couch in the Room of Requirement so that he could see her face, he jumped when he saw a curious box appear nearby. With a raised brow, he'd thought he remembered this at Remus's house one. A television perhaps? The Potters didn't have one. He couldn't remember what they had called it, but they just didn't like it. He stared at her when she finally answered him and nodded softly. "Yes, unfortunately, I know exactly what that feels like. But, I believe I have a sense of being betrayed than I do of loss." He knew he'd lost Regulus all those years ago when he'd walked out of the door, but whose fault was it? Regulus had had the choice just like anyone else. He'd made his to stay and rot with those blood-thirsty animals.

He wanted to tell her that it would all get better, but to be honest, he knew it wouldn't. All he could do for her was be there when she lost it completely and threatened her own life. If that happened, for he doubted it would. Yet, there were times when he had left his home to do such a thing. James had saved him, though, and he had his best friend to thank for still being here. He didn't know what would have happened if he didn't have James. When something on the television turned on, Sirius recognized a younger version of Kacie and another boy whom he assumed to be Thomas. He smiled slightly at her laugh. So, she was getting better for the moment. When Thomas began to sing, Sirius opened his mouth in shock. He was a great singer, and he didn't say that a lot about people. There were few Wizarding bands that he actually liked, but if Thomas had made some record, he would have bought it instantly. "Merlin, he could have really been something." Then, he cringed at his words. He probably shouldn't have said that aloud. When Kacie began to sing along, Sirius relaxed his stiff composure and then moved his hand to hold onto hers, taking it onto his lap and squeezing it tenderly. He didn't understand the reference to AC/DC but he assumed it was some sort of Muggle band. It had to be, since Thomas was planning on singing when he got older. Or, so he thought. At her last words, Sirius's throat ached with dryness. He felt his sorrow for her encompass him before he quickly stifled it. He remembered a few things that he and Regulus had shared together, like their love of reading. Yes, he had enjoyed it when he was younger. But, he had chosen to ignore that desire for reading and instead joked around his entire time at Hogwarts. He turned her face to his once again, and softly kissed her forehead. Then, silver pools locking onto her emeralds, he whispered, "Promise me that you'll never lose that passion, Kacie. If you do, I can assure you that you'll regret it far more than you do his being gone."

[/size]

[``kacie marie helms]

Kacie felt like she couldn't breathe. A heavy weight was pressing itself upon her chest, and she gasped, trying to relieve the tension building in her lungs. It felt as if the world was collapsing around her, everything falling apart. She did not understand what he'd meant when he told her 'not to do this'. It still confused her. And for a moment, she was thankful to him. For a moment, his statement had brought a little sense back into her, almost made her forget that her life was over, and forced her to focus on something else, with trying to decipher what he had been saying. As if he'd seen the gratitude flash through her eyes, Sirius gave her an answering smile, full of reassurance. She tried to offer him a small, watery smile in response, but it merely came out as a grimace. As she spoke, he stroked her soft cheeks with his strong hands, and her eyes fluttered closed at his touch in response. All of her breath left her in a rush, and she began to shake beneath his hand, longing for some relief against this constant suffocation she was forced to endure. Sirius murmured, "Don't give in to the despair. It will only destroy you." At his words, Kacie lifted her gaze to his incredulously, her eyes sparkling with an emotion close to what she'd felt in the Great Hall only moments ago: anger. "What do you know of despair?" She demanded, "As much as you like to think you can't, you can still talk to your brother, can still see him when you pass him in the corridors. I can't!! Don't you dare tell me not to 'give into' despair when you've no idea the meaning of the word!" She could not believe that Sirius had had the nerve to say such a thing to her. From their letters and previous encounter at the lake, she had learned that Regulus was a touchy subject for him, knew how bitter he was at the loss of his brother, but he did not know true despair. When one is forced to deal with the reality of life and know that they will never see, never speak, never encounter the presence of a loved one again, there is nothing that can save you, that can bring them back. They say that time heals all wounds. She had a feeling it would take years for the wound to even think of beginning that process. For with Thomas' death, came her own.

She wanted to run, to go outside and change into her animagus form and run. She needed to get away, to forget about all that was wrong with the world, and simply run. She gasped, her hand clutching itself to her heart desperately, trying to keep the broken pieces of herself together even as the world came crashing down. Nodding once after clenching his jaw tighter, he swallowed and wiped some of the tears away from her face. "I'm so sorry, Kacie." Hearing the sorrow in Sirius' voice as he wiped the constantly falling tears from her face let her know that she had, indeed, spoken aloud, and that he knew enough to know who she was talking about. She pulled him to her in a bone crushing, desperate hug. She didn't know anything else besides the fact that Sirius was here, that he was here for her. She struggled to control her breathing as she clung to him for dear life, struggling to find some sort of connection back to Earth. She was desperate for some sense of reality, of stability. She hated being without control, without some sense of order. At the moment, however, she didn't care for order. She wanted Thomas. She wanted everything back to normal again. For a moment, he grinned widely and then muttered, "I'm not going to let you out of my sight until I'm sure you're alright, Kacie." She offered him a small, watery smile in response. "Looks like you'll be here awhile, then," she replied. She didn't want Sirius to keep her company out of pity; that's not what she wanted. Yet, she couldn't help but find herself grateful for his presence. That only made it seem that much more bearable. Sirius soon situated himself beside Kacie on the couch once more, and jumped when he seemed to notice the televsion in the room. She offered a short, quiet chuckle at the sight; he was making her feel better already. He stared at t with a raised brow for a moment, then stared at her when she finally answered him and nodded softly. "Yes, unfortunately, I know exactly what that feels like. But, I believe I have a sense of being betrayed than I do of loss." She nodded in reply, ignoring the large lump that formed in her throat in the process. She knew the ache wouldn't ease until she let out her grief, but she did not want to cry anymore, especially in Sirius' presence. She was too stubborn for her own good, and she wanted to be strong.

Sirius smiled slightly at her laugh, and through her bloodshot eyes she could see the relieve in the silver pools that were his. Her laughter was more recognizable as Sirius opened his mouth in shock when Thomas sung. He had been a great singer, indeed. "Merlin, he could have really been something." Then, he cringed at his words, as if afraid that Kacie would burst into tears at the mere mention of him. Kacie nodded in agreement, stating, "Yeah," she replied, "He had it in his mind that this 'wizard war', as he liked to put it, would end soon enough, and we'd be able to start a band. Get away from all of ths and live the high life, making money and introducing him to a couple good witches here and there. He was fascinated with our world." She smiled at the memory, a slight pang in her heart as she remembered the truth of the matter once more. The figures on the screen talked and laughed some more, teasing each other as the girl on the screen took her brother's place in front of the microphone, the drums began to play themselves, and Thomas took over one of the guitars, strumming it as she opened her mouth and began to sing. The tune struck a chord in her heart, and she realized just how much this song related to her. "Thomas helped me write that one," she said, almost not noticing that she had spoken aloud. It was hard to believe that that had only been this past summer. Sirius relaxed his stiff composure and then moved his hand to hold onto hers, taking it onto his lap and squeezing it tenderly. His hand on top of hers was a soothing sensation, and she squeezed his, letting him know that she appreaciated it greatly. He turned her face to his once again, and softly kissed her forehead, and she closed her eyes at the sensation. Then, silver pools locking onto her emeralds, he whispered, "Promise me that you'll never lose that passion, Kacie. If you do, I can assure you that you'll regret it far more than you do his being gone." Tears sprung in her eyes at his order, and a small smile came to her lips. He looked so concerned for her, so desperate for something she couldn't grasp. She placed her hands on either side of his face, and pressed her lips softly to his. "I promise," she vowed in a whisper. She glanced at the television, getting lost in the lyrics as she began to sing:

"She lives in a fairytale
Somewhere too far for us to find
Forgotten the taste and smell
Of a world that she's left behind,
It's all about the exposure
The lens, I told her
The angles are all wrong now
She's ripping wings off of butterflies
//Keep your feet on the ground
When your head's in the clouds
Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle
Bury the castle
Go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle
Bury the castle....\\"

"Ba da da ba da da da dum," Kacie sung along with the girl on the tellie, her head bobbing slightly with the music. She could see Thomas in the background, playing the guitar, a grin on his face as he watched her sing. The resemblance between the two of them was uncanny. The same pale, porcelain like skin, the same dark brown hair, right down to the shape of their noses and the color of their eyes. Kacie rested her head on Sirius' shoulder as the song went on, her face finally dry of tears, though her throat continued to ache. Though she knew Thomas would never come back, she knew that she would always remember him, and these videos eased the pain, made her believe that, just for a little while, she had her brother back again.

[``sirius orion black]

Sirius could see the pain in her eyes. He could feel it with his own heart. It was almost too much for him to bare, to see someone else in this much agony. He didn't know how to help her really, except be there for her. The confusion of his words showed clearly on her face, but he simply ran his fingers along her cheekbones, his right thumb running across her lips. The grimace in reply to his own smile made his heart break a little bit more. She was so broken, so sad. He couldn't leave her. He remembered so much what this felt like. To feel so alone in the world and so full of sorrow. When she began to shake, Sirius pulled her close, his grip strong and comforting. He moved away when he felt her trying to look at him. When he met her eyes, he was startled at the sudden fury residing in the glistening emeralds. He blinked rapidly at her question and scoot away from her for a moment, a little reluctantly. Why was she acting this way? He was just trying to help for Merlin's sake! He clenched his jaw, and before he could control himself, he spat, "Damn it, Helms! Why can't you just let me care for you for a single second! If you didn't have this goddamn shield up all of the time, maybe people would actually like you! JUST LET ME IN!" His voice had grown louder, the growl in his tone nearly violent. He knew he should have been soft, but harsh words spoken to him were going to be harsh in reply. Then, a sort of sick feeling lurched into the pit of his stomach at the realization that he hadn't truly lost anyone. But, then, a sort of pain erupted in his chest at the thought that he would. Sometime in the future, maybe too soon, he would lose a loved one. What if it was James? Or Remus? He couldn't bare to be without one of them and he hated Kacie for bringing Regulus up. She didn't understand. He glared at her heatedly for it before hissing, "Just because I don't know despair doesn't mean I don't have an idea of what you're going through, Helms. I've had my fair share of pain, unless you'd forgotten?" It wasn't just Regulus. He had lost a family, an entire group of people that were related to him that wouldn't talk to him any longer. And, he felt that he had lost Andromeda. He hadn't heard from her in ages, and he was beginning to think Bellatrix had found her. "Don't berate me when you don't know what you're talking about, Helms. I haven't told you everything about my life. How could you think that I haven't lost someone? I fear that I will lose those that I love everyday. And I have!" He had lost some of his favorite family members because they were considered like him, blood traitors. No, not in the way he had lost Andromeda, but in death. He had been told they had all died in accidents, but even as a child he had known better. His family was relentless when it came to what they considered as traitors. Yet, he did not know what it meant to lose someone as close as a brother. As much as he didn't like to admit, he loved Regulus and wanted to befriend him again, to forget everything that happened between them, but he couldn't. But, she had no right to talk to him like that. "Would you rather me leave you to the darkness?" His tone was cold, full of sorrowful anger.

When she suddenly gasped and clutched at her chest, Sirius was next to her in less than a second. He held her in his arms for what seemed like eternity, but it only passed as seconds to him. He didn't want to leave her. He hadn't meant what he said, but he was frustrated that of all of his friends, he'd yet to find one that truly admitted to wanting his comfort. Remus appreciated he and James, but he would have preferred to do things alone. And, Kacie? She wanted to run. He could feel it in her bones. But, running wouldn't help. He knew, after all, what that was like. He'd been running away from his problems for at least two years. He wanted to do everything in his power to prevent her from doing anything that resembled his behavior all that time ago. When he was pulled into her arms, Sirius breathed in her scent quite softly, willing himself to do whatever it took to comfort her. Her desperation was clear, for he could feel it emanating off of her entire body. He nuzzled his face into her neck, kind of like how a dog would and then moved his face onto her cheek. He kissed her skin softly, just touching the corner of her lips with his own. When she told him he would be there awhile, Sirius hugged her closer before staring straight into her eyes. "I won't leave you, Kacie." He meant it, too. He didn't leave anyone behind. He didn't count Regulus. He felt sorry for her, yes, but he wanted to be here with her. He had no sense of trying to prove anything to her, but he simply desired for her to see that he was a friend. He smirked when she laughed at his shock with the appearance of the television. He had vaguely remembered one at Remus's house, but he preferred going to James' house in the summer. He frowned softly at the determination in her eyes and turned her face so that their eyes met. With a velvet tone, he murmured, "Cry, Kacie, please. I'm not leaving until you feel at least a little better." He knew she wouldn't until she let the tears fall. It was an action of release, not of weakness.

He chuckled sadly, knowing that the optimists that thought the war was going to end soon were very wrong. Very wrong indeed. A sick feeling in his heart told him that it would last for years. But, the war was never really over, was it? There was Grindelwald, after all. He was similar to Voldemort, wanting the ultimate power and control. Or so he'd read anyway. He smiled at the thought of meeting Thomas. "Well, I'm fascinated with his world." He meant both the muggle world and the afterlife, but he'd let Kacie decipher his meaning anyway she wanted to. Sirius squeezed her hand as she spoke, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. He felt the appreciation in her movements and smiled softly in reply. When she suddenly kissed him, he grinned against her mouth. Nodding at her promise, he ran his hand along her hair. "Good." He didn't want her to lose that passion. It would be dastardly for her if she did. He grinned again, watching her little brother on the screen. They were very similar in appearance, much like he and Regulus. When her head fell atop his should, he moved his hand and curled it around her waist, pulling her body against his own. It felt nice, as if he could love her in a way that seemed impossible for a guy like him.

[/size]

[``kacie marie helms]

Kacie sighed as he felt his fingers run across her cheeks, the feel of his thumb running across her lips the only thing she wanted to comprehend. Yet here she was, sitting alone in an empty corridor with Sirius, crying her eyes out because she had lost everything that had ever mattered to her. They say that the bond between siblings runs deeper than the seas, and in her situation, it was the most honest statement she had ever been told in her life. She could see the pain in Sirius' eyes as he gazed at her, and she immediately hated herself. He didn't need to hear her problems, and he probably had better things to do than to keep a morbidly depressed Slytherin company. When Sirius pulled her close, his grip strong and comforting, she clung to him for dear life, burying her head into the crook between his neck and his shoulder, and breathed in gulps of air in short, broken sobs. He moved away when when she struggled to meet his eyes, and when that goal was accmplished, she noticed the surprised look on his face as she glared at him. He blinked rapidly at her question and scoot away from her for a moment, seeming a little reluctant. Then, he clenched his jaw and spat, "Damn it, Helms! Why can't you just let me care for you for a single second! If you didn't have this goddamn shield up all of the time, maybe people would actually like you! JUST LET ME IN!" His voice had grown louder, the growl in his tone nearly violent. Kacie blinked for a moment at his reaction, but then her eyes narrowed into thin slits, glad that she could at least take her anger, her bitterness out on someone, even if it was Sirius. She needed to vent, needed to express the unfairness of it all. "Maybe because I don't need your help, BLACK," she replied coldly, "I didn't ask you to come up here and 'take care of' me. I'm not some bloody broken toy you can fix, you arrogant twit!" How dare he try and pretend that he understood her, understand what she was going through? He might have been alone when he left his home, and she might not have known what all had happened to force that ordeal to occur, but she had seen Sirius' brother wander the halls, knew that Sirius could see him, as well. She wouldn't even be able to go home for Christmas to see him. With Thomas' death came her mother's, as well. The cold-hearted woman had frozen upon the news, had ordered Kacie to never return to her home again. He glared at her heatedly at her comment before hissing, "Just because I don't know despair doesn't mean I don't have an idea of what you're going through, Helms. I've had my fair share of pain, unless you'd forgotten?" Kacie shook her head at Sirius in exasperation and anger. She knew that he had a point, that she wasn't the only one suffering, but her jaw was set stubbornly. She would not admit that she was wrong. "Don't berate me when you don't know what you're talking about, Helms. I haven't told you everything about my life. How could you think that I haven't lost someone? I fear that I will lose those that I love everyday. And I have!" Kacie rolled her eyes at the beatiful man before her, hissing, "I don't need to know everything about you, Sirius," she spat his occasional contradictory name, "I don't need to know all the pain you've gone through, just like you don't need to know mine. Has your mother ever called you a 'murderous witch'? Did she ever accuse you of murdering your own family? Huh? How about being unable to even going to your own brother's FUNERAL because your mother hated you more than she hated HERSELF?!" she shouted, tears streaming down her face. She hadn't even had the chance to say goodbye. She had been thrown out, treated like yesterday's garbage by the woman that was supposed to love her unconditionally, by her own mother. "Would you rather me leave you to the darkness?" His tone was cold, full of sorrowful anger. Kacie looked away from him, unable to bear the look on his face. She shook her head, sniffling as she stared at the cold stone floor. "I was left alone in the darkness a long time ago. You were just the lamp that kept me company."

When she suddenly gasped and clutched at her chest, Sirius was next to her in less than a second. He held her in his arms for what seemed like eternity, but it only passed as seconds to her. She clung to him like a life vest, breathing in his scent like it was oxygen. She felt as if she had just been allowed a breath of fresh air after being thrust underwater for three days. She didn't want him to leave. She had said hurtful things to him, things she wanted to take back, but she was too stubborn to do so, at least for now. She needed him there. She needed some sense of reality, something other than anger and grief to pull her from the dark, numb abyss. For now, she would try to forget everything, and let him comfort her. She wanted to escape from this, to simply forget all of the secrets held within her and run. To change into the one thing that could handle the grief and pain better than she could. When he was pulled into her arms, she was satisfied that he did not pull away from her. He nuzzled his face into her neck, kind of like how a dog would and she bit her lip in order to stop the chuckle that threatened to escape at his tickling touch. He then moved his face onto her cheek, and she smiled at the contact. He kissed her skin softly, just touching the corner of her lips with his own. Turning her face to the side, she closed the distance between the two of them, pressing her lips to his in a soft, melancholy kiss. When she told him he would be there awhile, Sirius hugged her closer before staring straight into her eyes. "I won't leave you, Kacie." He said, and his voice held a sense of honesty and finality that made it hard for her to believe that he meant anything otherwise. She smiled. "Thank you," she replied. Sirius smirked when she laughed at his shock with the appearance of the television, and bit her lower lip immediately, cutting the sound short as she studied his face. The pale skin, the chiseled jaw, those bright, dazzling silver eyes. What did she do to deserve his company? He frowned softly at the determination in her eyes and turned her face so that their eyes met. With a velvet tone, he murmured, "Cry, Kacie, please. I'm not leaving until you feel at least a little better." Kacie took a long, shaky breath, and blinked rapidly. "I don't want to cry," she replied stubbornly. "It makes this all too real. I don't want it to be like that. I want to wake up to a summer day and joke and play. I want him to still be here."

Sirius chuckled, a sad sound on his part. He, as well as Kacie, knew all too well that there was no room for optimism in a place like this. This war was going to last for a long time, and they would both be lucky to survive to see the final days of it. She smiled as she saw the corners of Sirius' lips lift up. "Well, I'm fascinated with his world." Kacie nodded in agreement, her gaze lingering on Thomas' image on the screen before meeting Sirius'. "As he was fascinated by ours," she replied. Sirius squeezed her hand as she spoke, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. It was a soothing sensation, and Kacie rested her head on his shoulder as they watched the television together, his attempts at comfort well appreciated. Though these videos gave her a sense of remembrance and finality, having Sirius there with her made her feel....loved. Though she knew he could never feel that way for her, she could find no other word to describe how she felt in that moment. When she suddenly kissed him, he grinned against her mouth, and she smiled into the kiss in response, glad that she was beginning to feel something other than the constant numbness, the anger, the grief...the pain. Nodding at her promise, he ran his hand along her hair. "Good." He grinned again, watching her little brother on the screen. When her head fell atop his shoulder, he moved his hand and curled it around her waist, pulling her body against his own. She made herself comfortable while using him as a temporary pillow, trying to ignore the tingling sensation that travelled throughout her entire body at the contact. It felt nice, as if he could love her in a way that seemed impossible for a guy like him and a girl like her. She sighed quietly, smiling at the two teenagers on the screen as the song continued, finding that the lyrics seemed to relate to her situation in that moment.

"So one day he found her crying
Coiled up on the dirty ground
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest she can figure out,
But it was a trick
And the clock struck twelve
Well make sure
To build your home brick by boring brick
Or the wolf's gonna blow it down
Keep your feet on the ground
When your head's in the clouds...
//chorus\\
..............."

[``sirius orion black]

Sirius couldn't understand why she was being so distant. Was she going to live like this forever? Alone in her pain and defiant against anyone's wishes to help her through the terrible torture of her grief? It seemed asinine to him, but he had never really been without someone. After he met James and Remus, he realized that when he left, he would have someone to turn to. He was trying to give Kacie this opportunity, but he wondered if it was a hopeless cause. She didn't seem to want him around at all. It was tugging at his heart strings, this rejection, but he didn't let it show. All that revealed itself on his face was the silent coercion of his stifled anger. He didn't want to snap at her. But, a bear could only be prodded so far until it fought back. Sirius wanted to be there for her just like he was there for everyone else. Sometimes he felt it an incredible burden to bear all of his friends' agonies, but he knew he would rather be crushed underneath the weight of them rather than allow a fellow being to suffer because he had denied them a lending ear or a comfort they so desired for. He felt resentment pouring into his bones at her words, for he knew a great deal of despair. If he hadn't had James and Remus, he would have succumbed to it. Regulus was everything to him, but he just couldn't be around someone who was going down the wrong path. He didn't want to watch his younger brother grow into Bellatrix. He knew that staying away was worse for the both of them, but Sirius couldn't bring himself to do it. Every time he had relayed the conversations they would have in his brain, everything would go wrong. He didn't know if it was worth the trouble. He didn't appreciate her taking her anger out on him and he clicked his tongue in a disapproving manner before standing and yanking her up with him. With a violent whisper, he hissed, "Now, you listen and you listen well, Kacie. You can tell me all you want that you don't need me and you don't want me. But, I can see it in your eyes. You claim to have such a great mask, but I see right through it. I know you well enough to realize that you are completely broken and---" He stopped, his heart falling into his stomach at her words. Was that all she thought of him? Did she think this was some kind of egotistical trip upon his arrogance and pride to make himself look better? With a vicious snarl, he muttered, "So this is your opinion of me? You think me too arrogant to have tendencies of kindness, Miss Helms?" His voice had turned cold, the look in his eyes distant and suddenly stoic. Maybe he should just back off. He had turned formal because of her behavior, figuring that if she didn't want him, he would just leave. Removing his hands from her shoulders, he straightened himself and then said, "Believe what you want. I merely thought you were above such shallowness." He hated being this cold to her, but she deserved it. She was going to get a taste of her own medicine for treating the only friend she had in this way. If she wasn't careful, she was going to lose him forever.

But, wouldn't that be better? Sirius shouldn't hang around with Slytherthings anyway. He might catch something. He glared at her when she shook her head, fury running through his bones as he fought to keep a level expression. He was more furious with himself than he was with her. This was proof that he could never get close to a girl. It was factual evidence that once he did, everything would fall apart. He clenched his jaw and raked his teeth against each other as she hissed at him. His fists curled with fury, but he said nothing for the longest moment. What the hell was she thinking talking to him like this? He chuckled darkly, cutting across her sharply. "You don't feel the need to know everything about me because your so damned deep in your pit of sorrow, Helms. Oh yes, I see it quite clearly. No, but she has called me anything but her son. She has insulted me in every possible way, also blaming me for ruining the family name, so I don't know why your words even bother me. Maybe it's because I'm trying to be there for you!" He stopped when she told him she couldn't attend her brother's funeral. He wanted to say something comforting, to let her know that he was terribly sorry for her, but he didn't. She had pushed the final button and he wasn't going to back down. He was going to tell her what she was doing and maybe she would get it through her thick skull. Struck extremely cold by her words, Sirius stiffened. So, obviously, he was not needed. She didn't want anything to do with him and she was simply calling him a lamp? Pursing his lips, he muttered, "I see. Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts then since I am nothing but a fragment of light that does nothing to help your situation. Obviously, you can handle it completely on your own. Let me know how that works out for you." He turned to go, but kept his pace slow just in case she called him back. A part of him felt that she wouldn't and that was eating at him.

Sirius was beginning to feel extremely awkward around Kacie. He didn't know what to really feel around her. Part of him was beginning to think that it was time to break away from her, but he knew he couldn't do that now. But, hell! She didn't even want him. At least, she was saying that she didn't. Sirius knew better. He could read it in her eyes that she wanted to stay with him, but the question was, did he want to stay with her? All of these odd emotions bursting in his chest were confusing and he didn't want to have to deal with them at the moment. It might have been too much for the moment. Sirius wanted to pull away, for he was desperate to get rid of the emotions inside of him that were sending his heart into a spiraling zeal. Part of him figured it was due to the anger she was causing him but another part he had never felt before. He couldn't decipher it so he decided to stifle and ignore it for the moment. He didn't want to complicate matters. When her lips pressed to his, it seemed as if the entire world were at peace in that single moment. He had never kissed lips so tender and so soft. But, he couldn't think like this. He couldn't let himself get too close. For once he fell head over heels for that one girl, he knew he would never be able to get over her. And, then, he knew he would be left heart broken. They always pulled away at the moment of truth. He didn't reply to her thanks, for he really did want to leave. Her words had been nearly unbearable for him and he didn't understand how she could say such things to him. Who else did she have to talk to besides him? He had never seen her with anyone else, save for Dumbledore and he doubted that kind of friendship would satisfy her need for social interaction. Then again, many people got through life without much of that. He raised an eyebrow at her scrutinizing gaze, but let his silver eyes drift back to the television screen, wondering along the figures of both Kacie and Thomas, wondering about all of the memories they shared together and thinking about if they had been anything as wonderful as the times he had shared with Regulus. He sighed at her stubbornness. No wonder Remus got so annoyed with him. He was just bloody like her! He gazed at her sadly and then whispered, "You can't live like that, Kacie. All you can do is cry and then remember all of the happiness you shared with him. Don't follow my example, just follow my advice." He gave her a flashing grin, the silver pools alight with humor.

Nodding, Sirius let his mind wander to Voldemort. He hoped beyond everything that the Dark Wizard would be defeated soon. He was going to get rid of as many Death Eaters in the process for as long as he could, but he knew that they would all keep coming unless the leader was destroyed. As of the time being, there was no spell to reawaken the dead. If they murdered Voldemort, then there would be no more worry of him. When Kacie's head fell softly upon his shoulder, Sirius was jolted gently out of his anxieties. He bit the inside of his cheek, wondering what was going to come of this relationship with her. He felt something burrowing in the depths of his soul, as if something horrible would happen to her if he got too close. Maybe it was better to just stay acquaintances and nothing more. He didn't want to hurt her and he didn't want to be hurt. As another kiss was planted against his mouth, he smirked into it, unable to deny any woman's touch. It was a highly frustrating weakness, but he knew when to stop. He knew she was doing this partly to ignore her pain so he softly pulled her way. "Kacie, you mustn't try to stifle it. It will all just weigh down upon you and that's not healthy. You must go through this pain step by step and eventually it will fade, but it will always be there. Just a scar. But, if you let people in, they can take away a little bit more of that agony so that you do not have to bear it all on your own." He was trying to say that she needed to let go and let him be there for her, for as long as he could be. He didn't want to lose her.

[/size]

[``kacie marie helms]

Someone once told Kacie that the person that infuriates you the most is the one you love the most. In this moment, she could not help but find it to be true. She did not understand why she was behaving so horridly towards him, did not know why she was taking out all of her grief and frustration with the world out on him. She didn't want to fight with him, but it seemed that it was all they did when they were around each other. Couldn't they go through one encounter without her opening her mouth and ruining everything? Then again, she would rather spend her time arguing with him than not being with him at all. She was beginning to realize just how ridiculous she was behaving, blocking him out in order to try and make everything easier. She was pushing him further and further away, and there was no one to blame but herself. She could see the anger in his eyes as she spoke so harshly to him, and resisted the urge to flinch at the sight. He clicked his tongue in a disapproving manner before standing and yanking her up with him, causing her eyes to widen in shock and worry. With a violent whisper, he hissed, "Now, you listen and you listen well, Kacie. You can tell me all you want that you don't need me and you don't want me. But, I can see it in your eyes. You claim to have such a great mask, but I see right through it. I know you well enough to realize that you are completely broken and---" He stopped as he heard her last comment. With a vicious snarl, he suddenly muttered, "So this is your opinion of me? You think me too arrogant to have tendencies of kindness, Miss Helms?" His voice had turned cold, the look in his eyes distant and suddenly stoic. Her jaw clenched tightly. She knew she shouldn't have said that about him, but she was too stubborn to take it back now. Raising her chin a fraction, she replied in a calm voice, "You and I both know your personality and tendencies. You are a very kind person; your past actions have proven just how wonderful you are. But you can't deny the faults in your personality, as well, just as I can't deny mine." Removing his hands from her shoulders, Sirius straightened himself and then said, "Believe what you want. I merely thought you were above such shallowness." As he spoke those words, she realized just how much she had hurt him with her statement. Her emerald eyes softened at the discovery, shining with regret and remorse. "Sirius..." She trailed off, unsure as to how to apologize. Unable to bear the harsh look on his gorgeous face, she turned her head away, shaking it as she let out a hollow chuckle. "I always wind up ruining things, don't I?"

Sirius glared at her when she shook her head, a look of carefully concealed fury shining in his eyes. He clenched his jaw and raked his teeth against each other as she hissed at him. His fists curled with fury, but he said nothing for the longest moment. Her eyes were narrowed at him, and clenched her own jaw in response in order to stop herself from either crying or screaming. He chuckled darkly, cutting across her sharply. "You don't feel the need to know everything about me because your so damned deep in your pit of sorrow, Helms. Oh yes, I see it quite clearly. No, but she has called me anything but her son. She has insulted me in every possible way, also blaming me for ruining the family name, so I don't know why your words even bother me. Maybe it's because I'm trying to be there for you!" She stepped away from him, almost instinctively, his words more a blow than anything else. She knew that his words were true, but hearing them from him, in his cold, heartless tone, hurt more than any curse she had ever endured. She looked away from him, blinking back the tears that threatened to escape her eyes. She did not dignify his monologue with a response. Sirius stiffened at her next statement, though she couldn't understand why. Pursing his lips, he muttered, "I see. Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts then since I am nothing but a fragment of light that does nothing to help your situation. Obviously, you can handle it completely on your own. Let me know how that works out for you." He turned to go, and Kacie's eyes widened as she realized that her final words had offended him. "Sirius!" She said, almost frantically, in an attempt to stop him. "That...that wasn't what I meant. At all." She sighed, willing herself not to blush as she admitted, "I meant....out of everyone else here, you didn't ignore me. What I meant when I said that was that you didn't leave me alone, like anyone else would have. I'm sorry I didn't word it better. You aren't a lamp in the dark, Sirius. You're a sunrise."

Kacie could tell that Sirius was beginning to feel awkward. She couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, but from the looks of it, she probably didn't want to know. When she felt her lips against his, all of her troubles seemed to just fly out of the window. She could barely even remember her own name, let alone the gaping hole that had dug its way into her heart. Yet, she could still feel the distance, and that scared her, more so than the thought of being even closer to him than she was. He didn't reply to her thanks, and she got the distinct feeling that he no longer wanted to be there. Swallowing inaudibly, she edged herself away from Sirius, in order to give him more personal space, and glanced at the television. She could already feel him distancing himself from her, and that both hurt and infuriated her. "You can go, if that's what you want," she muttered quietly, still refusing to look at him, "You don't have to be here." He raised an eyebrow at her scrutinizing gaze, but let his silver eyes drift back to the television screen. He sighed at her statement, gazing at her sadly as he whispered, "You can't live like that, Kacie. All you can do is cry and then remember all of the happiness you shared with him. Don't follow my example, just follow my advice." He gave her a flashing grin, the silver pools alight with humor. She chuckled along with him, nodding in acknowledgement.

She couldn't believe the injustice of the world. She wanted nothing more now than to hunt Voldemort down herself and make him suffer, but she knew that was a stupid idea to entertain. She was no match for Voldemort, certainly not yet, but with enough training, planning...maybe they all had a chance. She and Dumbledore had entertained the idea for awhile on the subject of Voldemort and his attempts at domination. They even thought he might have dabbled further in the Dark Arts than anyone could have imagined, meddling with magic that even the darkest of wizards wouldn't dare to try. She hoped that their latest theory was incorrect, for if Voldemort had dabbled in magic having to do with mortality, they had many more years of fear and lost lives to endure. She felt Sirius smirk against her lips as they kissed, which only made her to smile in return. After a moment, he softly pulled her away. "Kacie, you mustn't try to stifle it. It will all just weigh down upon you and that's not healthy. You must go through this pain step by step and eventually it will fade, but it will always be there. Just a scar. But, if you let people in, they can take away a little bit more of that agony so that you do not have to bear it all on your own." She smiled sadly, nodding. She knew that his statement was true, but it was still hard to hear. "I don't think it could get any easier," she whispered, her heart sinking as the song reached its close:

"If it's not real you can't hold it in your hand
Can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true you can see it with your eyes
Even in the dark...."

"'And that's where I ought to be,'" she sang the last line, her voice breaking on the last word. She saw the sad look in Thomas' eyes as he continued playing his guitar, staring at her own figure on the screen as if he knew exactly what she had been going through when she wrote that song. With a sudden gasp, the tears began flowing down her face, her sobs racking her body. The pain was too much, the realization that Thomas was gone, that he would never come back, was killing her. "It should have been me," she sobbed, "He didn't deserve any of this. It should have been me...It should have been me...."

[[OOC: haha, I love corny Kacie =D]]

[``sirius orion black]

Sirius felt numerous pangs in his chest at her terrible voice towards him. He could not help but feel rather remorseful for treating her with such fury, but she should know better than to believe he would take harsh words without reciprocating them. He could feel the admiration for her growing, the desire for wanting her with him to be augmented to its fullest extent. Why, then, was she being so cruel? Had she no sensible thought in her mind because of the extremities of her grief? He knew that could have been part of it, but he had the pleasure of knowing her acquaintance long enough to realize that she was similarly stubborn, even afraid of getting too close to someone. Once the curtains were lifted on all secrets, there would be only vulnerability left. When he had grabbed her, regret filtered into his chest at the sight of the anxiety in those beautiful emeralds. He had never meant to cause her any fear, for he was just eager to get his point across. Another glare of cruelty flashed insanely through his silver puddles. He pursed his lips and snorted before hissing, "Do you, Helms? Do you consider yourself unfortunate to know my personality as it truly is? I daresay only you, Remus and James know who I truly am. If you feel that it is less than worthy of your attentions, I can assure you that it was not my intention to cause you any distaste in such a manner. Faults, you say, are in my personality. I am aware that I am not perfect, but these faults of which you speak must only be my arrogance and ill-tempered composure. But, why would those be considered faults? They are only traits that make up who I am. I could hardly consider anything but my irrational fear of losing a most beloved friend to be a fault." His voice was extremely cold, very impersonal, as he spoke to her. The realization of her words appeared on her face and Sirius could have hit himself for it. He was being so ruthless towards her, but she was beyond cruel in this moment. He couldn't stand it. At seeing the remorse form in her eyes, he expected an apology, but doubted someone as stubborn as he would have the backbone to do such a thing. Raising an eyebrow at her question, he stared at her for a long moment, waiting to see if she would look back at him. When she didn't, he muttered, quite coldly still, "It seems to me as if you simply desire to have no one to rely on but yourself so that you will never be disappointed or hurt." His expression softened, for he had sometimes felt the same way, but that was before he had met James. He wanted Kacie to realize that he was going to be there for her, despite her rude behavior.

Reading the apparent shock on her face, Sirius immediately doubted that there was anyone else in the world that was able to stand up to her in a way such as he did. He was ruthless when it came to the injury of his vanity, and he was not to back down from such insults. Even though he was hardly offended by the mention of his mother, who he regarded as nothing but the dirt he walked on, he felt it quite foolish of her to think that he had no idea of her pain. What the hell did she think he was doing here? He was the only one that could really relate to her, a genuine person trying to gain her friendship and show her compassion. And all she was doing was shoving it quite ruthlessly back into his face. When she made no response, it infuriated him even more. Snarling, he hissed, "You know me to be correct in my inferences and yet you make no reply to affirm them? You call my personality full of faults, yet you do not realize how stubborn you really are, Helms." When he had taken a few steps down the corridor, he did not stop as he heard his name called. He was beginning to fear that he was going to say something he would regret, which was something that hardly ever happened with him. He was blunt, to be sure, but he always meant what he said to be heard and learnt from. When she claimed to have meant something else, Sirius stopped and turned halfway towards her, not giving her the pleasure of his extreme attention but enough so that she knew he was listening. You're a sunrise. Blinking rapidly, the raven-haired boy turned back to face her, the silver eyes alight with an unmistakable admiration for her compliment. He bowed ever so slightly and whispered, "Thank you, Kacie. I have only wished to give you the best ever since I met you, for there is nothing more prosperous to me than to see someone smile. I apologize for acting so irrationally, but to be honest, it was to be expected." He gave her a rather wry smile, his humor showing on his face once more.

When Kacie moved away from him, Sirius blinked twice in shock. Frowning as he tilted his head to the side, he pulled her back to him, wrapping his arm around her tightly. "I do not want to leave, Kacie. I was thinking of something else for a moment. I am sorry to be absent of thought at times. It is nothing against you, to be sure." Another smile flickered across his face and he kissed the top of her head, resting the hand around her waist upon part of her side and just a fragment of her stomach. He could feel every breath through her and somehow, this thrilled him and calmed him at the same instant. When she made no real reply to his statement, he sighed and whispered, "You still refuse to cry in front of me, right? How many times have I broken down before you? How weak you must think I am." He sighed, knowing many shallow girls that would call him names or consider him to be a pansy for being so soft. He rested the side of his head upon hers and then murmured, "It will get easier if you let me help you." He wanted her to alleviate the despair upon himself, he who knew how to bear such agony. She was so much more innocent than he, and she didn't need to be weighed down with such guilt and horror. When her voice broke on the last note she sang, Sirius squeezed her closer to his side, eager to relieve her pain. He tried to shush her at her words, but he knew it would be to no avail. Softly, he held her, trying to convey to her that it was all going to get better and that he was going to be there for her through it all.

[[OOC: ME TOO!!! ;p. I suppose you could do one more, then me, and then you close it? Maybe. We'll see how it continues. ]]

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